Shinji's Stronghold
by PompeyMagnus
Summary: 11 years after the events of End of Evangelion, Shinji Ikari is plagued by his nightmares and the memories of those he could not save. Possible RS or AS. Read and Review, please.
1. Memories of the Past

Well, yes…This _is _The Evincar with a new fanfic!

Whee time to totally ignore him and go read a fanfic about Asuka and Shinji's "true testament of love's life's adventures…uh…truth".

Frankly, even as an A/S fan, I've begun to like Rei more and more, simply because the best Rei appearances are in A/S/R fanfics, where Asuka rejects Shinji but begins to feel jealous as Rei _slowly_ begins to develop feelings and open up…

I like Rei/Shinji fics where the progression is slow and steady and where we can ignore the fact that she's made from his mother and that she doesn't have genitals…

I like Asuka/Shinji fics where there's some _DAMN _conflict! And I don't mean the whole clichéd fight scene or Shinji in Asuka's arms, or suicide…

I mean, you can employ those, but employ a lot of them, have a ton of conflict, love is all about conflict and I hate romantic fics without a realistic amount of conflict…

I like Kensuke fics where Kensuke has one line and is not romantically involved with anyone…

I like Gendo fics where the authors don't go, "OMG! GENDO'S SO BADDD!111"…

There are no villains in Evangelion (except maybe SEELE and the Angels?), just tragic characters…Gendo, Ritsuko, everyone in NERV is just a victim of situation and have their own tortured reasons, etc…I like a fic that can consider Gendo's humanity along with his evil, and consider his reasons and his love for Yui…

I like SI fics where the author doesn't make it seem unrealistic…I was thinking of making a SI Fic where I'm killed in battle and everyone else sort of forgets about me after a few weeks. Now that's realistic.

Speaking of insert, I _hate_ it when authors insert their inane and often obscure musical tastes into their fanfics…Like where they randomly work in one of the characters liking the band or the music somehow loosely tied into the plot, or just quoting contrite lyrics that seem meaningful…

Frankly the one fics that I've never read are Yuri, Fire and Ice…

Heck, I've even read and marginally enjoyed (or not hated because of clichés) a Kawuro/Shinji fic….But Asuka/Rei? Come on! No really, _come on!_ Like that'd ever happen in the Evangelion universe…Maybe Maya/Something, those are interesting…

But I'm rambling, aren't I? Author notes aren't supposed to be so damn huge…

This is my new fanfic…It's a bit of crossover, but not really overt, so don't get turned off by it, it's straightup Evangelion, no sign of my Madness fic (Wherein I crossover approximately 10 billion animes with Evangelion…at the same time)

I hope you guys enjoy it, and before the one guy who likes Fate of Destruction or NGE: New Age complains, nah, I'm not giving up those fics…I just felt like a new fic after finishing my first fanfic ever (EOE: DARKNESS!)…

And Neon Genesis Evangelion: Madness? Well I don't know if that'll ever end. 

Ehehhe…Let's start the show, get out and start reading and reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**The Year 2015 **

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**NERV Headquarters**

A young boy with black hair and sharp blue eyes sat against the wall, his head slumped over, his knees pulled in, not speaking, his eyes closed, shut off from the word.

Indeed, The Second Child was not the only comatose pilot, it seemed.

Three soldiers dressed in commando gear stepped in front of Shinji Ikari, drawing his pistol and aiming it at the Third Child's head.

The soldier almost sighed, speaking into his radio.

"We've located the Third pilot, preparing execution….I'm sorry kid, nothing personal, just orders."

Shinji almost smiled, but he felt too numb. He knew that finally, finally he would be going somewhere different, maybe somewhere where he could find happiness, or at least solitude.

"_Think of this as your home as well, Shinji…"_

_He paused, and then tentatively stepped over the threshold, his voice but a whisper._

_Rei looked down into the fountain as the Third Child stood close by, her face emotionless._

"_The first time we touched…I didn't feel anything"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Your hand…The second time, I felt odd and queasy, I think"_

"_Ah…about that, I'm sorry Ayanami"_

"_The third time…I felt warm inside…It was the heat from your hand, even through the plug suit, you were happy I was alive. But the fourth time, I was just happy…Happy that you were concerned with me."_

_Rei looked up at Shinji, who looked at her in a mix of awe and admiration._

_She spoke, her calm voice echoing in the courtyard._

"_May I…hold your hand again?"_

"_Yeah…"_

._Ritsuko stood in front of the tanks of liquid, smirking confidently as Shinji and Misato stared in awe._

"_Rei!"_

_A hundred giggles and voices echoed in the room, all Rei, and Shinji stumbled backwards, his eyes bulging out._

"_All of these are salvaged parts…Spare Reis…They have no souls, they're nothing but hollow Reis, and I despise them…"_

_Misato aimed her handgun at Doctor Akagi as the Reis all around Shinji began to dissolve, their eerie smiles still on many of their dissolving faces._

"_Do you have any idea of what you're doing!"_

"_Yes, I'm destroying them…These are not human…just things with human forms…The Chamber of Guff…is empty"_

_Shinji stared at the small screen in his entry plug, displaying a smiling Second Child._

"_I'll forgive you for the landing, this time. We did win…"_

_She gave him a warm smile that seemed to make his soul burn with fire._

"_And you did pretty well-for a klutz"_

_Shinji grinned back at her, and their smiles widened._

"_Words of praise, from you!"_

"_Shinji...Don't look for me anymore…"_

"_What?"_

"_Only infants require parents. You are no longer an infant. Stand on your own two feet and walk…I learned to do the same"_

"_But I-"_

"_People can only live by their own strength…They only grow by their own strength…"_

"_Father…"_

"_Don't try to think we can understand each other. For some reason people think that they can do that. Remember that they can't. Never completely. Never enough."_

_Gendo Ikari looked his son in the eye, showing almost no emotion._

"_People are such sad creatures…"_

_For a minute Shinji thought he detected a hint of utter sadness in his father's cold eyes, but shook that thought away as his father turned around towards the waiting helicopter, muttering only this._

"_I'm leaving"_

"_You know, pain is something man must endure in his heart…"_

_Kawuro grinned as Shinji fidgeted nervously._

"_And since the heart senses pain so easily some believe life is pain. You are delicate like glass, that is, your heart is"_

_Ah…This flashback of your life before your death seems overrated…To think that my last thought will be of Kawuro._

Shinji sighed as he heard the gunshot, and then another, and then one more, and his shoulders shagged, relaxed.

And he remained there, his eyes closed, until he noticed that he could hear footsteps, and then a familiar voice.

"No offense either, soldier…Now come on, we have to get you to Unit 01!"

Shinji opened his eyes and sighed, his body still limp but completely unwounded, three soldiers lay sprawled in their own blood next to him, and a panting Misato Katsuragi stood in front of him, pistol in her hand.

_Rescued from death…just so they can use me again…in the Evangelion._

Misato bent over, apparently taking Shinji's silence as shock from almost dying, and checked the enemy radio, turning it on and listening through the static.

"What is the situation of Team 7? We found the purple one. Retrieving it isn't a problem. Looks like the red one has been launched. We are currently searching for the launch path used."

Misato gasped.

"Damn them, they have no idea what they're doing… Quick Shinji, get up! Get up! Do you want to die? Or get into Unit 01? Come on!"

Shinji's unwounded body remained in a state of dead lethargy, his mouth closed.

And then, a strangled whisper, almost an afterthought.

"Help me…Asuka…"

Misato's eyes widened and she roughly grabbed Shinji by the arm.

"Hiding behind the skirt of a teenage girl! You can't deny reality, Shinji, you can't hide from this, you can't give up now, come on!"

Shinji simply slumped over as Misato pulled him by his arm.

"I don't want to live…I was going to die…but you brought me back here…I want to die…I deserve death…"

"Dammit Shinji!"

She grabbed him by the arm and began pulling him away.

"You have to live now, protect us and stop them, then you can contemplate death!"

Shinji sighed, complying finally.

_Just a tool…is that all I am to you, Misato?_

_

* * *

_

Shinji sat in Evangelion Unit 01's entry plug as the large biomechanical monster surfaced in front of the NERV base, missiles flying about as VTOL's dodged around Unit 01 like gnats to an elephant.

Misato's blood was fresh in his mouth…Asuka's screams were fresh in his ears.

Tool or not, he realized something now…he truly felt something for the people around him, for Misato, for Asuka, for Rei, for everyone, and he knew now that at least those feelings had been meaningful, they had been real, as real as Misato's sacrifice.

He would not allow Asuka to sacrifice herself for a coward like him, no, not a chance.

* * *

Evangelion Unit 01 charged forward, as Shinji heard Asuka over the communicator; saw her Evangelion's back to him as he charged in from behind her.

"The last one!"

She seemed oblivious as she eyed the remaining Mass-Produced Evangelion that was still standing, her energy depleting quickly.

"The lance!"

A large purple hand flashed in front of Asuka and snatched the Lance of Longinus out of thin air, its point precariously stopping only a few feet away from Unit 02's head.

"Shinji!"

Asuka was too tired and shocked to insult or berate him, as she might have done because the Invincible Ikari was finally here to save her.

No, she was emotionally and physically drained, and so was, apparently her Evangelion, as it slumped over on all fours and as the lights within Asuka's entry plug went dull, the last of the reserve power gone.

Evangelion Unit 01 stood like a great purple monolith in front of the debilitated red Evangelion as two more SEELE Units stood, one of them missing an arm, the other one disfigured and injured beyond belief, but apparently still ready to fight.

Unit 01 charged forward, one of the Lances still in its grasp, and stopped short, ducking as one of the SEELE Units hurled a Lance towards him like a javelin.

Shinji peered at the Evangelion Unit with great unimaginable hate, his eyes bulging out, his fists clenching and unclenching.

Unit 01 slammed into the now unarmed SEELE Unit, grabbing its great head within a purple hand and gripping mightily, the great white head bulging and then exploding in a spray of odd fluid.

Just as the other Unit turned to peer at Shinji with its only unwounded eye, Unit 01 connected its Lance straight through the Mass-Produced Evangelion's head, the monstrous ivory Evangelion letting out a horrifyingly inhuman screech as it toppled over.

Shinji smiled, his entire body shivering as he turned around to look at Asuka's Evangelion, and then met a cold, uncomfortable feeling in his gut as something smacked into him from behind.

He peered down to see a Lance of Longinus protruding out of his Evangelion's chest.

His eyes bulged out and he almost chuckled as he felt the unbearable pain surging through his body, hearing an odd voice through his communicator before he descended into darkness.

"Shinji! Idiot! Don't die on me now, Shinji!"

_Hah…God…when I surrender to death, you rescue me…and you take me away when I fight against death, just as I'd realized…what…_

Then, simply darkness.

* * *

**The Year 2026**

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**A small public park**

A young man sat against a marble bench, the shrubbery around him swaying lazily in the summer breeze.

Tokyo 3, despite the Angel Wars and the rubble that had been collecting for years, despite all of that, it was still a beautiful place, and within the last decade, more and more people had been filing in.

The young man shivered, and let out a choking scream, startling a young toddler who had been picking at the grass next to the bench.

The toddler scampered off crying, and Shinji Ikari sighed, peering at the mother of the young child with an apologizing face.

"Sorry miss…just a bad flashback…"

The mother let out an indignant huff and then darted away down the grassy path with her toddler in hand as Shinji scratched the back of his head, a frown on his face.

"Dammit…the nightmares are back again…"

Shinji Ikari was now a young man of twenty five years, a great deal of them spent in misery and war.

Things had calmed down considerably now, but the nightmares would always be with Shinji.

His face had taken on more and more of his father's qualities, making it rather handsome, and the black unshaven stubble on his chin made him look eerily like his father at that age, before Gendo had even met Yui.

Suddenly an odd ringing and Shinji lifted up his cell phone.

"Yeah…alright…I'll be right there, Rei…okay."

He sighed, putting the cell phone away.

Rei was yet another story…He never fully understood her connection with the events of the SEELE invasion, and how she had been involved exactly, but he had been glad to find her alive, next to the dead body of Gendo Ikari, a frown on his face and bullets from Ritsuko Akagi's bullets in his gut.

Rei had changed…over the years…and Asuka…

Shinji shook the memories away, not willing to remember anymore.

He turned down the path, heading back towards the apartment he and Ayanami shared, when he heard a moan. He peered towards where he had heard the sound and saw a man, evidentally homeless, huddled up against a tree trunk.

Shinji slowly strolled towards the man, not sure why. He was a nice guy, but not really charitable towards stranger. Still, the man looked pitiful, wrapped in a brown blanket that hid his face, shivering uncontrollably.

Ikari fished around in his pocket for a some spare change and scooted closer to the man.  
"Excuse me sir? Are you-"

Something wiggled out of the blanket, a long odd fleshy protuberance that Shinji could not comprehend or understand. It seemed almost like a…

_Tail!_

Shinji dashed off away from the man for a few minutes and then stopped when he was a good distance away, to catch his breath.

"What in the hell was that! Rei's right…I've been working too hard lately…I need a few days sleep."

Shinji hadn't slept in weeks, the nightmares plaguing him anew, even in Rei's comfort and company.

He sighed as he finally made his way up the familiar steps and opened the door, announcing hoarsely.

"I'm home…"

A pale young woman with soft crimson eyes and cerulean hair appeared before him, an almost indiscernible smile on her face.

"Welcome home, Shinji."

* * *

Well, that's the first chapter…Sort of short? Sort of odd? Sort of unoriginal?

Don't worry, it's just the first chapter, things will be taking many twists and you'll find out what the state of affairs of all of Shinji's friends and relations are…Trust me, this won't be your typical Post-EoE fic…


	2. Madness Prevails

Interesting input…Rei/Shinji, eh?

Well, a few things…

A year ago, I wouldn't even have thought of Rei/Shinji, I was an ardent Asuka fan, but now I'm tired of all the crappy A/S fics, although I haven't found any really good and accurate Rei/Shinji fics that aren't totally unrealistic and stupid and I highly doubt I could achieve one…

Thinking about writing for Rei for prolonged times (she's usually in the background in my other fanfics, or just mechanically repeating surreal lines about dreams and reality) makes me really scared…ehehe.

Well, how about I decide from the reader input, everyone vote what pairing they want (in addition to a review, of course)…(Warning, there is no guarantee The Evincar will follow the majority vote, in fact, he already probably has this entire fanfiction mapped out in his damn head.)

But in the end, it's always cool to keep it up in the air, or at least have him have reasonable feelings for both Rei, Asuka, and heck, even Kawuro (Forget Mana, damn non-canonical nuisance), I find keeping his options open makes stories more tense and enjoyable…

Well, let's start the show!  


Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

_Shinji shook his head, peering outside the train window as landscape hurtled by, too quickly for him to see, just a blur._

_He sighed._

"_I hate this place, this sacred place within my mind."_

_In front of him stood Rei Ayanami, and she seemed to have a slight smile dancing across her face._

_This disturbed Shinji beyond belief._

"_You! Stop it! That has nothing to do with me, you know that! No one cares about me!"_

_Misato stood beside Rei, suddenly, speaking in a calm tone._

"_You always made yourself seem less than you really are, Shinji."_

"_I have nothing!"_

_Misato smiled, a drop of blood flying from her lip to the floor below as she continued speaking._

"_And you try to think yourself valueless, thinking that, by doing nothing, you would not be hurt."_

_Shinji shook his head._

"_Nobody accepts me…"_

"_That is only in your mind…Your mind is tiring, Shinji."_

"_So, I have to forget these memories…"_

"_You've been trying to think yourself worthless since the very beginning."_

_The blood coming from Misato's mouth now was a stream pouring out onto the floor, but Misato did not flinch, Shinji sat, shivering, his hands on his ear, whisperings_

"_You're dead…you're dead…I had to do that…I have to do this…I…am nothing…"_

_Toji appeared suddenly beside Misato, so three figures were now forming a semi-circle around the Third Child, and spoke. As Toji spoke, Shinji noticed that he was missing an arm and a leg, bloody stumps left where the limbs would usually be, but was standing on his one leg as if there was absolutely nothing amiss._

"_No, that's not so, Shinji, you're trying to think like that, but you're wrong!"._

"_I am worthless. I have nothing to be proud of."_

_Shinji clenched his fists, sweat dripping from his brow, and stood, staring at the three figures in front of him, furiously_

"_I have nothing!. Nothing! The value to live! Hah! No, I don't have it…I hate myself…I hate myself…Thus…"_

_The figures disappeared, and Shinji could hear Asuka's voice._

"_I hate you! I hate you! You think you can ever understand me! You weakling! No wonder I left your ass!"_

_And then Toji's casual voice._

"_I hate you…You injured my sister, and made me a cripple!"_

_Then Kensuke's voice._

"_I hate everything about you!"_

_Then Hikari's voice._

"_Sorry, but I hate you."_

_Then Ritsuko's voice._

"_I hate you, I hate all the Ikari!"_

_Then Misato's voice._

"_I hate you!"_

_Shinji stiffened and screamed, and then shuddered as he felt thousands and thousands of voices cry their hatred of him, the anguished voices of humanity were truly speaking at that moment._

_Shinji's knees buckled, but he nodded to himself, as if content._

"_Now…everybody hates me. Everyone hates me…"_

_Rei suddenly appeared seated beside Shinji, her face listless._

"_That is only in your mind, Ikari."_

_Shinji stiffened._

"_Rei, I told you to call me Shinji…"_

"_You only think others hate you, you want them to hate you."_

"_No…I realize now, even when I was in the Eva…Then, people praised me, but I was not happy, they hated me…They always did."_

"_What is your true heart?"_

"_I don't know…none of them…both of them…"_

"_So what are you?"_

"_I have nothing…I…am nothing."_

_Rei smiled, placing her pale hand upon Shinji's._

"_Shinji...your hand is shaking…Wakeup, Shinji, you're alright."_

_

* * *

_

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji woke up with a gasp, taking in air into his huffing lungs, cold uncomfortable sweat wet across his brow and pajamas.

He coughed and slowly began adjusting to reality, a pale arm was draped around him, shaking him softly, and then he looked up into the red eyes of Rei Ayanami.

"Are you feeling unwell, Shinji?"

Shinji sighed.

"Yes…I'm…I'm fine Rei."

"Did you have an additional nightmare, Shinji?"

Shinji shook his head, slowly pulling himself up to stand alongside Rei, scratching the back of his head.

"No, it's alright Rei, don't worry about me."

Shinji smiled, his hand flitting against Rei's cheek, caressing the soft white skin, only for a few seconds and then going back to his side, as if his very hand was ashamed.

Rei smiled as well, although only someone who had lived for her as long as Shinji would be able to truly understand the depth of Ayanami's countenance, a caring smile laced with worry.

"If you say so, Shinji."

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Train 6426**

Shinji sighed as the swift subway train took him through the depths of the Tokyo 3 underworld. After the destruction of the Angel Wars, even now, mass transit was conducted through a relatively primitive subway system that dated back to the 1990s.

He checked his watch as his gaze flitted across the book he was reading, "The Plague" by Albert Camus.

It was already 8:15, he was over ten minutes late to his place of work, Tokyo 3 Public School. He had become a music teacher, who also taught history on the side, although he tried to stray away from being as repetitive as the teachers he had gone through during his time as a pilot.

He'd worked as a chef at one point, back when he and Asuka…

Shinji sighed, shaking away the memories as the train came to a sudden halt and then screeching off again.  
Putting the book back into his back pocket, he stood, looking about the eerily and oddly deserted car.

He made his way through the car as the movement of the train became even more turbulent, the car actually shaking, lights turning on and off.

Shinji finally reached the door as the train came to a complete halt, apparently stuck within a tunnel.

Reaching for the handle to manually open the door, he groaned as he realized it was stuck, having a sudden flashback of himself turning the handle when NERV had blacked out, Asuka standing around impatiently, not giving him a hand.

He struggled with the handle angrily, and then turned to see a hobbled old woman with her face turned away from him, her back hunched.

She suddenly turned to look at him, revealing an old and grizzled face that scared Shinji and simultaneously made him feel guilty because of that.

Her face seemed oddly venomous, as if she was threatened by his attempts to open the car door, and when he motioned for her to come help her, she simply turned back away.

Shinji sighed, his face hinting at disgust, and kicked at the door.

_Dammit…I can't be late to class, I'm supposed to be the teacher…_

Suddenly, as Shinji kicked the door hopelessly a second time, it opened wide, exposing an empty subway station that seemed very unfamiliar.

Shinji suddenly realized he had no idea where he was.

He slowly moved towards the old woman, who seemed to flinch away when he stopped, speaking.

"Excuse me, do you know if we've pass Kiriyama yet?"

The old lady remained silent.

"Excuse me…"

She looked him in the eyes but it seemed like she was peering through his skull at something behind him.

"Look, come on, I'm asking a simple question, I lost track of time and I need to know if we've passed Kiriyama yet."

The woman spoke, her Japanese laced with a heavy accent Shinji could not recognize.

"I no from here."

Shinji sighed in relief, glad that someone was speaking, even if he still had no idea.

He chuckled warily as he walked off the train car and down towards the station, figuring he'd go to the surface and find out exactly where he was.

He turned back as the train left before him and stared perturbed as the old lady peered out at him from a window as the train sped away, her face oddly frightened.

Shinji turned around and made his way towards the exit when he noticed a large iron gate blocking the passage to the surface.

He sighed.

"You've got to be kidding me…It's practically 8:30…"

He put his hands on his hips and sighed, making his way towards the ladder that led down to the tracks.

_I suppose I'll have to do what I have to do…_

He gasped as he saw a rat scampering by, staring at him with beady red eyes and then scampering off.

"No way!"

He flinched and began to make his way back up the ladder, but realizing that there was no where else to go, he steeled his will and continued on.

Shinji began to walk down the tracks, towards where he knew Kiriyama station was probably close by, his shoes squishing in a liquid he could not see in the darkness, it all made him feel quite disgusted and uncomfortable.

Almost tripping against the tracks, he reaches out and grabs a steel girder for support, only to gasp in disgust, pulling his hand back, now coated in an odd black grime.

"I have the worst luck…honestly…"

Shinji sighed, wiping the grim on his pants and continuing on, reaching for another steel girder regardless of the grime, when he noticed it was vibrating.

He gasped, spinning around, seeing two pinpoints of light hurling towards him in the darkness, sending a ripple of fear up his spine.

Shinji peered about, not sure where to go, not ready to allow his life to be taken this way.

_No…not the so called "savior of humanity", I can't be dashed to dust in a cold subway tunnel._

He trudged forward as quickly as he could towards, but notices he is up to his ankle in slime.

Shinji turned back around, the lights now approaching him at an unbelievable speed, lights flashing about, the entire tunnel spinning in his head.

_Why is it going that fast!_

In near panic, Shinji pressed himself against the wall just as the train swoops by at an amazing speed, the velocity blowing up his black hair straight up as if it is standing on end.

He clinged to a pillar next to the wall for support, his breathing coming out in short, ragged gasps, and then looked up, the length of the train still passing.

People flashed by, looking through the windows, their faces pressed against the glass as the train sped by, making them look deformed and inhuman as they stared at him with frighteningly hollow eyes.

He gasped in fear and then turned to watch as the train finally sped off, the end appearing. A lone figure stood in the rear window, only a shadow, eerily waving at him, but the train bears him away quickly. Then all is quiet again.

Shinji sighed, afraid to move, but slowly regained his composure, continuing down the tracks and then finally stumbled up the ladder leading to Kiriyama platform.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Kiriyama Subway Platform**

Shinji smiled, the expression dancing across his face. It was not the demonic grin of Asuka, or the sublimely beautiful smile of Rei, indeed it wasn't even a smile of amusement, but one of dark irony as he gazed as the Kiriyama platform exit to the surface, locked in by yet another iron gate.

A heavy chain is wrapped around the bars and Shinji peered at it, his countenance twisting to hopeless and total bewilderment.

Suddenly a muffled scream sent a chill up Shinji's spine, and he spun around, eyes wide, not sure if it had been his warped imagination.

Then the scream once more, definitely human, definitely horrifying.

He sensed its direction now and strolled off towards the men's bathroom, terrified but curious.

A crack of light appeared under the door to the bathroom itself, and Shinji stopped, unsure and indeed afraid of the unknown.

He knocked against it, and hears moaning, then the lights went off.

"Hey…Is someone in there?"

No answer, only silence.

Shinji stood silently for a moment, not sure what to do. He gasped, sure he could hear whispering within the bathroom, and feeling the sudden urge to run away.

He could hear Asuka's voice in his head, laced with malice.

"_Idiot! Coward! No wonder I left you!"_

He clenched and unclenched his fists.

_I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away…Someone may be in danger, I let enough _

_people die in the Angel Wars, I can't let this go._

Shinji sighed, unsure of what to do, chewing his lower lip nervously and then, finally, he reached for the door, softly pushing it open.

The light from the station penetrated the darkness of the bathroom, blinding Shinji momentarily, making him close his eyes shut, but when he opened them, he almost screamed.

A man lay naked, tied to a stall while another nude man grabbed frantically for his clothes and a teddy bear while the bound man began screaming again, Shinji recognizing it as the scream he had heard before.

The bound man screamed again, his words now becoming slightly discernable.

"Screw you! Screw you! Mind your own damn business!"

Shinji gasped, totally overwhelmed and confused, taking a step back but stopping as he heard a third man whirl out of the shadows and point a knife at his throat.

"You freak! Get out of here!"

The man's face seemed deformed, barely human, and Shinji gasped.

But before he could react, the door slammed shut again, the crack of light reappearing under the door and then the click of the door locking.

Shinji backed away, hearing laughter from inside the bathroom and then yet another scream.

His eyes were bulging, his face drawn and white, his mind blank.

He knew not what to think, simply turning around and charging towards the metal gate that blocked the exit with a scream, slamming into it with full fury.

Shinji stumbled back from his attack, his shoulder sore, and then gazed down in surprise, noticing that the chain had slid down from the bars and was now on the concrete below.

The gate squeaked loudly as Shinji pushed it aside and clanged with an almost painful burst of noise as he slammed it shut.

He sighed, his head aching and burning as he made his way into the bright surface above, completely perturbed and late for school.

He hailed a taxi and took a seat inside, sighing after he instructed the driver where to go and lying back against the cushioned seat as it made its way to Tokyo 3 Public School.

A loose memory made its way into his mind, and he closed his eyes, coughing.

_Shinji lay beside Asuka, both of them nude and peering at each other with caring eyes as the sunlight weaved its way almost lazily in._

_Asuka sighed._

"_Do you love me, Shinji?"_

_Shinji smiled, about to reply when he heard the same strangled scream of the man in the bathroom coming out of Asuka's mouth, and he held his hands around his ears, sobbing uncontrollably._

_

* * *

_

Well, that's the end of that chapter, sorry if it seems too weird or if it lacks interaction between Shinji and Rei or any talk of what's happened to the other characters…

You'll get a good dose of that in the next few chapters, including some romance, so don't worry. 

Anyway, until the next chapter, later…And make sure to check out some of my other fanfics too.


	3. Solitude in Shared Company

Well, I'm going along well on this…It's fun to write, and it's taking my mind off FoD…Madness of course will be updated…

Everyone go read End of Evangelion: Darkness, dang it, I finished it but I barely got any reviews…

Seems people are leaning towards R/S, and it indeed may be that, beware however, although I am experienced in all the various areas, situations, and cliches of a Shinji/Asuka fic, when it comes to Rei/Shinji romance, I'm rather green, but we'll see what happens…

As for the horror, or weirdness, or whatever you perceive in this, or whatever questions you must have, don't worry, I'm not the type to leave everything unanswered and random (or at least I'm not that type most of the time…ehehhe…)

Thanks for the reviews, by the way, all quite interesting and well written.

Well, whatever, let's begin…

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji sighed as he entered his apartment, turning on the light and yawning, his eyes blinking rapidly.

He slowly crept his way towards the bed, hoping that the tiny lamp he had turned on would help him to his room, but he failed misrebly, banging his head against the wall and letting out a yelp.

Suddenly, a soft, woman's voice.

"Shinji…is that you?"

"Ow…ow…sorry, Rei, did you move the furniture or something?"

"Why did you not turn all the lights, Shinji?"

"I...didn't want to wake you up, Rei…"

Shinji gazed at Rei's dimly lit face as she stood and almost gasped. She was quite beautiful, her skin of alabaster perfection, and although he had lived with her for years, he continued to realize that like a revelation from time to time, and grew extremely shy in those moments, almost returning to calling her by the formal "Ayanami."

Rei smiled, it was difficult to see in the dim light, but it seemed warm and sleepy. She smiled and spoke, her voice soft and almost lilting in the silence.

"Thank you, Shinji."

Shinji almost stumbled over in surprise, but caught himself, grinning inside. No, this should not be a great surprise, she had changed as the years had gone by, continued contact with him and other human beings that were friendly and active, unlike the late Gendo Ikari, had led her to slowly but inevitably rise from within her shell of cold monotony.

Shinji yawned again, looking around, his hands grasping around.

"Where's that switch again?"

"Where are you, Shinji?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't ask…What did you do anyway, Rei?"

"I simply moved the couch."

"Where t-"

Shinji's legs seemed to expect his question, answering it before he could finish, sending him stumbling over in the darkness against the recently moved couch.

And suddenly, the light came on, Rei standing in front of the light switch, gazing at Shinji Ikari.

Indeed, Rei Ayanami had grown into quite the beautiful young woman, her figure filling out, maybe not to Misato proportions, but she was almost even more beautiful than anything Shinji had ever seen, simply because Shinji recognized her uniqueness.

There was indeed no one else in the world like her…or at least not anymore.

_Ritsuko stood in front of the tanks of liquid, smirking confidently as Shinji and Misato stared in awe._

"_Rei!"_

_A hundred giggles and voices echoed in the room, all Rei, and Shinji stumbled backwards, his eyes bulging out._

"_All of these are salvaged parts…Spare Reis…They have no souls, they're nothing but hollow Reis, and I despise them…"_

_Misato aimed her handgun at Doctor Akagi as the Reis all around Shinji began to dissolve, their eerie smiles still on many of their dissolving faces._

"_Do you have any idea of what you're doing!"_

"_Yes, I'm destroying them…These are not human…just things with human forms…The Chamber of Guff…is empty"_

Ritsuko sobbed.

"_I lost against her…those things…these foolish things…I could weather it all as long as he loved me, or as long as I thought he did…but I always knew I wasn't like that to him…Never…I'm an idiot, just like my mother…stupid…stupid…"_

_Misato's eyes widened, while Shinji remained speechless._

"_Kill me if you want…I'd be glad if you did…Life is simply one diminishing marginal return…my mother could never understand that love and life can be measured scientifically, dismally so…"_

_Misato looked down, lowering her gun and peering at Shinji, who was on his knees, shivering, his eyes emotionless, dead._

"_The great tragedy of the Evangelion and the people related to it…Am I also one of them?"_

Shinji sighed, closing his eyes as he heard Misato's voice in his memories. Oh, how he missed that voice, it meant so much to him, she was like family, maybe more, maybe something else, it didn't matter, he had discovered too late that she was someone who depended on him and cared for him.

Suddenly, Rei's soft voice, interrupting Misato Katsuragi's.

"Shinji? Are you alright, Shinji?"

Shinji sighed, nodding, almost sprawled across the couch, and lifted himself up.

"I'm alright Rei…I'm fine…"

Rei's face seemed to tint with worry, but even Shinji's eyes were unable to catch the expression completely as Rei returned to her usual slight smile, an expression he had cherished since the day he had battled that angel alongside her.

"What do you think, Shinji?"

"Um…about what?"

Rei seemed to grin.

"The room of course."

"Oh…it…it looks good Rei, although I'm really tired…the kids wore me down today."

Rei's hand seemed to slowly raise, as if she was about to lay a hand on his shoulder, when her eyes noticed the stains on his pants.

"What happened, Shinji? I am referring to the stains."

Shinji smiled as he heard Rei's voice. She was such a complex person, and although she had left behind her mechanical frigidity, she sometimes showed some of her former personality, especially when around other people, but she had indeed improved a great deal.

Shinji sighed, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked to the bathroom, Rei repeating her question.

"Oh…Ah…Don't ask Rei, mishap in the subway station…."

Shinji flinched as he remembered the incident that morning…More than a "mishap", maybe, more like a nightmare.

He slowly made his way to the bathroom, closing the door while he changed out of his close not completely, but enough to hide his nudeness.

He left his clothes in a pile on the ground and turned the faucet on, watching as the water cascaded against the porcelain tub.

Shinji sighed once more, a multitude of memories weighing down on his mind as he entered the shower.

_Shinji lay upon his futon, gazing up at the ceiling which was supposedly "familiar", yet he had not yet grown accustomed to this place, even after all this time. _

"_Rei…Ayanami…I feel something about her, something warm. Asuka., Misato, my mother, Rei…". Shinji pictured his father's cold gaze piercing through his body. Light glinting off his shades as he folded his hands in front of his face, perhaps hiding a malevolent smirk, or something worse. _

_Shinji Ikari stood in front of a familiar red Eva, gazing at it as if he were gazing at its pilot. He mumbled to himself. "Asuka…where are you? I need you…"._

_Need her? But what would you talk to her about if she was here?_

"_Well…I…I don't know"._

_You see now, besides she hates you. You remember…after what that angel did that to her mind_

_Shinji struggled with the memories, but simply responded with one word. "Asuka…"._

"_Awww, my little Shinji, are you wasting away for her? Don't worry, she's been found"._

_Shinji spun around as the blush rose up his cheeks, and was face to face…well, perhaps chest to face with his guardian Misato. _

"_Oh hey Misato…"._

Shinji closed his eyes, his head bowed down in depression and fatigue.

Even the good memories were bitter and painful, for he realized he would never see those people again…

He sighed once again, and then gasped, feeling a soft, tingling feeling as a white hand slowly caressed his shoulder.

His eyes bulged out and he blushed, peering back at Rei, who was smiling warmly now, almost discnerably.

Shinji quickly covered his crotch with the closest towel, stammering as Rei wrapped arms around him.

"Uh…Uh…Uh…Ayana…Ayanami…What are you doing, Rei!"

Rei smiled, a smile that disturbed Shinji because it took him by surprise, it almost seemed mischievous, if such a quiet girl was capable of such things.

She slowly let the robe covering her fall to the ground, speaking simply.

"It would be logical for us to share the shower and our bodies, would it not? It would be a bit more efficient, don't you think so, Shinji?"

Shinji's eyes bulged out as she slowly dragged him into the spraying water of the tub, smiling once more.

The water washed against them, purifying them, sticking to them, sharing in their love, becoming a part of it.

Water…drops of water…were showering everywhere.

* * *

_Shinji stared up at the sky as the water showered down upon his skewered Evangelion, feeling a coldness creeping into his body, his eyes dilating rapidly as he tried to blink them to normality._

_He choked with emotion, realizing the enormity of what was occurring…His death…He was letting them all down…all of them…Asuka…Misato…Rei…Everyone in the entire world even, although he only cared for that female trinity, one dead, one surely dead or dying, and one missing. _

_Shinji shut his eyes, shivering in his misery._

"_Who…am I…kidding…I've let them down already…all…of them…"_

_His hands sluggishly moved towards his bleeding abdomen, as he saw a group of the mass produced Evangelions slowly stalking towards the wreckage of a crimson Evangelion that seemed vaguely familiar._

_He shook his head, whispering._

"_No…Not like this…Help me. Someone."_

_A new feeling shot up Shinji's spine, no longer pain, this was an odd feeling, one of invasion, as if there was something seeping into his body, as if he was…not alone. _

"…_M-Mother?"_

_The Third Child's eyes bulged out and he let out a shriek as images began to flash through his head. _

_Comfort_

"_What…"_

_Kindness_

"…_is this?"_

_Warmth_

"_Why…"_

_Nourishment_

"…_do I feel so…"_

_Loved_

_A bright light filled the entry plug and Shinji clenched his fists and closed his eyes tight, his Evangelion letting out a piercing howl, the light filtering everywhere around him…_

_

* * *

_

Shinji stirred and yawned as sunlight poured into his opening, dazed eyes, from an open window to his left.

He lay there, dazed, then slowly stretched his arms, moving out of the bed and peering about.

Suddenly, Rei's voice, tired but content as she walked in, nude, apparently comfortable with her nudity, as comfortable as she had been as a pilot, although that was simply out of protocol, now it was because of familiarity.

"Shinji, are you up?"

Shinji nodded, too tired to blush, images of what had happened last night flooding his head, numbing it.

She smiled and tossed a paper bag towards him, which he stared at for a few minutes, tired, speaking quizzically.

"What's that, Rei?"

"That girl dropped it off…The class representative, Hikari."

Shinji yawned, raising an eyebrow and picking up the bag.

"Hikari? Haven't heard of her in ages…She was always Asuka's friend…And I just couldn't face her after what I did to-"

But Rei's hand rested against his bare shoulder, comforting him, silencing him, the warmth of her skin conveying a sense of understanding and comfortable familiarity, something that he had been yearning for since…since…well, that was in the past.

He slowly opened the paper bag, gasping as a massive group of photographs spilled out onto the bed.

Re peered at the photographs, her face expressionless.

"The Second Child was going to throw them away, or at least that was what the Class Representative told me, so instead she gave them to you to see if you wanted any of them."

Shinji examined the photographs with a slowly apparent glowing delight, peering at them curiously.

"Look at this! I can't believe it…This was me after the battle with the Fifth Angel…and Misato's here too, and look at that, is that Toji and Kensuke?"

Rei moved in closer, her hand still on Shinji's shoulder, apparently curious.

"And oh! This is when we were moving into the first apartment…hmmm."

"The Second Child…I understand what you meant about her now, Shinji".

Shinji smiled curiously, looking up at Rei.

"What do you mean, Rei?"

"You called her a 'psycho bitch', and indeed she seems to be angry in these pictures, Shinji."

Shinji raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

"Yeah…but she's nice sometimes, even if that only lasts a few seconds."

He peered through a few more pictures, and then suddenly stopped, his eyes wide, his hand shaking as he held a single photograph in front of him.

Tears began to run down Shinji's face, warm streams that felt good across his cold face, surprising both himself and Rei.

Shinji remained motionless, not speaking as Rei peered carefully at the now shaking picture in Shinji's hand.

It was a picture of Shinji, a few years younger, with a small smiling red-haired infant boy with shining blue eyes atop his shoulders, both their faces reflecting childlike mirth.

Rei's face saddened and she wrapped her arms around Shinji, holding him tight as he sobbed now, uncontrollably, her voice finally speaking, soft and warm.

"Is that the one that died?"

Shinji spoke through his tears, nodding at the same time.

"Yeah…we named him Kawuro…"

Rei remained silent, looking at the photograph as Shinji grabbed a napkin and blew his running nose.

Shinji sighed, the tears stopping now, finally.

"Sorry Rei…It just took me by surprise…I didn't expect to see him this morning…God, what I wouldn't give…He was the cutest little angel, and…what a smile…"

Shinji choked back the tears again.

"Damn…I don't even remember this picture…"

Shinji sighed, hiding and bottling up the surge of emotions that had been growing within him, and scrambling across the bed for his pants. He pulled out his wallet and carefully stuck the picture inside it, alongside a picture of Rei Ayanami and Gendo Ikari.

Meanwhile, Rei began stuffing the rest of the pictures methodically into black plastic bag.

"Wait…Rei, don't."

Rei shook her head, a sad expression on her face.

"No, Shinji…I don't like things that make you cry, no matter what."

Shinji sighed, but felt almost warm inside, moved by Rei's emotion.

"No…I…I just want to look at them a little…"

He reached into the pile of photographs, many of them worn and yellow by age, and pulled one out, smiling as he looked at it.

"Oh! This is me!"

He showed a yellowed picture of a small infant boy, sleeping quietly, to Rei.

"Look, it's dated right after I was born!"

He stared at the picture intently and sighed.

"What a kid huh? So cute…so…so much promise."

Rei smiled, embracing Shinji once more.

"It's amazing, is it not, Shinji? Your whole life sprawled right in front of you…"

She paused, gazing at the disheveled pile of pictures.

"What a mess it is, Shinji..."

Shinji chuckled and Rei smiled, as she began to pick up the photographs, organizing them.

"But…I will help you clean up, Shinji."

Shinji blushed as Rei flashed her slight smile once more, it was still as fresh and amazing as the first time he had seen it.

* * *

Ugh…Was this chapter lame? I'm new to Rei/Shinji romance…Too WAFFy? Too OOC? This is the year 2026, mind you…Rei's changed, people change…I hope I'm not making this into the Rei/Shinji fic's I hate…I can't tell, but if you didn't like the content of this chapter, don't fret, the chapters of this fic will be so diverse in content anyway…

Well, until next time, later.


	4. Guardian Angel

Well, I like very much how this fic is going…Don't worry, I'll update Madness in a few days, I'm like eighteen chapters in, Chapter Nineteen will come soon…

As for this fic, I'm pleasantly surprised, I like writing it, and I'm getting a good deal of reviews, more than what Darkness got in the months it was out…

By the way, if you like this fic so far, go ahead and read and review my only completed fic, End of Evangelion: Darkness, it's not so bad.

I appreciate your reviews…interesting input, please keep on writing…Hrmmm…R/S….love triangle…

And for those of you that have unanswered questions…Don't sweat it, this is only Chapter Four, unlike Madness (Where I'm pretty sure it's going to last a gazillion chapters) and Darkness (Where I was 100 sure it would be seven chapters), I'm not exactly sure how long this fanfic is, so your questions will be answered eventually. 

Well, let's start the show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Outside Shinji's Apartment**

Rei's eyes darted around the hall as she stopped in front of a small metal door and opened it, quickly tossing two bags of what appears to be garbage into it.

She hesitated with a third, small black plastic bag, peering at it. After a moment she reached into it, pulling out a picture of Shinji and Asuka, a queer look on Shinji's face while Asuka stood with a confident sneer.

With cool deliberation, she dropped it into her chute.

Suddenly the sound of a door opening and Rei quickly dropped the paper bag into a small opening, and shut the metal door of the opening which read, "Incinerator".

Shinji smiled, closing the door of his apartment and strolling up to Rei, who had an odd unreadable expression on her face.

He offered his arm, his face betraying shyness.

"Ready, Aya…Rei?"

Rei's face returned to her normal smile, and she took Shinji's arm, causing the young man to blush as they strolled down the hall.

"Simply disposing of the trash, Shinji."

Meanwhile, the simple bag containing all the memories of Shinji's life fell within the dark recesses of the trash incinerator, Shinji's face curled with fire, as did Misato's, Gendo's, Kawuro and Kawuro the lesser, and even Rei's herself.

She sighed as she walked back towards the apartment, closing her eyes.

_It is best for Shinji, that he leave this past, it will do nothing but hurt him if he delves into it._

_

* * *

_  
**Six Hours Later**

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Tokyo 3 Public High School**

Shinji Ikari stood next to the school gate as he watched students leaving in streams, a few waving goodbye to "Ikari sensei", rubbing his back as he felt the familiar aching there again.

He strolled through the small, now empty schoolyard, his back out, singing an old song softly to himself.

"With or without you…with or without you…I can't live, with or without you…"

He stopped in front of a cement bench and sighed, noticing a large pile of newspapers next to it.

Shinji reached out for the nearest section, yawning.

To his shock, one of the newspapers began to shake and Shinji stepped back, his eyes widening, at poked at it with his foot.

Instantly, a terrifying shadow sprung up, taking on the figure of a stooped over dirty man, apparently homeless, his face grimy and almost…deformed.

Shinji jumped back as the man fixed him with a terrifying glare, slowly realizing that he was facing an old wino.

_Harmless…Harmless…_

But Shinji could still vaguely remember his terrifying encounter with the other homeless man in this very same park a few days ago.

The wino stooped towards him, and Shinji could see that his face was mottled with an array of odd bumps.

Shinji took another step backwards, confused.

"What the!"

The old mans rushed towards him, pleading.

"I didn't take nothing! Don't hit me! I was just napping, it was cold!"

The man tripped over and Shinji slowly bent towards him, lifting him up delicately.

"What's wrong, what are you doing here? You know you can't be here…Sorry, but this is trespassing…"

He begins leading the wino past the school gate, but the old man resists and grasps onto the gate, pleading.

"Don't throw me out there! They're gonna get me! They're going to tear me to pieces!"

The old man stumbled backwards and fell, holding onto Shinji's leg.

"What are you talking about!"

"No! Please! No!"

"Come on sir, you can't stay here on school property…"

"Please! Please! I never hurt anybody while I was alive, believe me! I don't belong here!"

Shinji sighed, giving the old man a strange look, escorting him across the street, off school property, glancing up towards the school building and noticing shadowy figures outlined in the windows, staring at him escorting the hobo.

"You'll live, you're fine, alright…"

He led the old man onto a sidewalk opposite the school and reached into his pocket, handing him a weathered bill.

The old man shook his head sadly an almost frightened look on his face, crumpling the bill and throwing it at Shinji's feet.

Shinji shook his head, sighing as he walked off towards his parked car, taking one look back at the homeless man, who was edging along fearfully along the wall of a small building.

He peered at his watch, realizing that he was already late for his appointment and stepping into his small blue sedan, turning it on and slowly backing up, but not before sneaking a peek in his rearview mirror.

The homeless man was gone.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Ookami Chiropractor Office**

Shinji let out a piercing scream, his face dazed as he lay on a long, leather padded device that looks very much like an instrument of torture.

Ookami the chiropractor is a large, middle-aged, heavy-set man, with a calm, benevolent expression on his face.

"Come on Shinji, it didn't hurt so bad."

Shinji sighed as Ookami pressed against his back.

"How do you know?"

Ookami chuckled.

"I know you. How come you're so tense today?"

"I don't know…What can I tell you."

Ookami smiled, continuing to work on Shinji's back.

"I saw Asuka the other day."

Shinji's eyes betrayed no emotion.

"Oh yeah? Her knee acting up again?"

Ookami's face was indiscernible.

"A bit."

"So what did she have to say?"

Ookami's face seemed serious and he spoke, his tone collected as he raised up the head of the leather bed.

"Turn on your right side."

Shinji turned on his left.

"How about your 'other right'"?

Shinji turned back and Ookami nodded, continuing as Shinji lay on his right side.

Ookami sighed as he continued talking, his hands hovering over Shinji.

"I don't understand you quiet philosophers…You've got the whole world figured out but you don't understand the difference between right and left…"

Shinji smiled absentmindedly.

"I was gone the day they taught that in school…Now tell me, what'd she say?"

Ookami began to work on Shinji's back, talking as he felt around the young man's spine.

"Who?"

"Asuka…"

"She talked my head off…But nothing about you…That's the way you two are…Hiding their feelings all the time…No wonder it didn't work out…Put your hand under your head."

He put his hands on Shinji's left shoulder, leaning in.

"Take a deep breath…slowly…slowly…"

Ookami's voice calmed Shinji and then suddenly the chiropractor moved quickly, making a rapid adjustment, causing Shinji to groan, but apparently not in any great pain.

Ookami stood, smiling, wiping off his hands.

"Ah, that's good…that's good. Now turn to your left."

Shinji slowly turned to his left, his eyes wary.

"So she didn't talk about me at all?"

Ookami smiled.

"She says you're a son of a bitch and she regrets the day she set eyes on you."

Shinji chuckled.

"I thought she didn't say anything about me."

Ookami bent over Shinji's back.

"She didn't, that's about all she said. Put your hand on your hip. Take a breath…easy…"

And Ookami quickly reached out, pushing against Shinji again, satisfied at the resounding crack, causing Shinji to let out a scream.

"Alright, on your back."

Ookami circled around him.

"I think she still loves you…"

Shinji shook his head as Ookami lifted up his leg.

"Loves me! She never said a kind thing about me in all the years we were together…"

"Right…but she doesn't stop talking about you…"

Ookami pressed the leg to Shinji's chest and then released it, moving towards the other one.

"Now that's love, Shinji."

"She hates me, Ookami…"

"I think you should go back to her…"

Shinji sighed as Ookami pressed his other leg forward and then released it.

"She threw me out, remember? She wanted something I couldn't give…She wanted Kaji…And after Kawuro…Well…I couldn't take it anymore either, I couldn't let my brain take it, not after the Angel Wars, I decided that my mind was too small to comprehend all this chaos…"

Ookami looked down at Shinji from above his face, his hands resting on Shinji's upper shoulders.

"If it was any other brain but your's, I'd agree…Relax, this one might be a bit strong."

"I can't relax…"

"Come on Shinji…That a boy…That a boy."

And then a loud crack, and simply darkness.

* * *

_Shinji peered out from within the darkness, as a huge flash of light illuminated him. His pain was forgotten, his misery was numbed._

_There was only a surge of energy, familiar energy…someone who cared for him was close by._

"_M-Mother?"_

_Then a stronger burst of light, blinding him, and then a feeling of…_

_

* * *

_

Shinji blinked through the blinding light, staring up into the lamp hanging over the chiropractor bed.

Shinji looked up dazed and the light seemed to form a halo around Ookami's head, making Shinji chuckle tiredly.

"What…God almighty…What did you do to me?"

Ookami smiled.

"I had to get in there. Deep adjustment…Rest a little, and it'll settle a bit."

Shinji shook his head.

"I just had this weird flash right then…"

"What?"

"I don't know…I've been having flashbacks recently…"

Ookami nodded.

Shinji sighed and looked up, chuckling at Ookami and changing the subject.

"You know you look like a chubby angel, Ookami…And overgrown cherub. Anyone ever tell you that?"

Ookami nodded, chuckling.

"Yeah. You. Every time you come in here. Now lay off any heavy lifting and tell that girlfriend of yours to lay off the rough stuff, if you get my meaning."

Shinji blushed, shaking his head.

"Ookami, it's not like that!"

The chiropractor chuckled.

"Yeah yeah…"

"You're a lifesaver, you know that man?"

Ookami nodded, helping Shinji up.

"I know, I know."

* * *

Anticlimactic? Short? Lame? Cool? 

Hope you liked this chapter…I'm getting into the flow of the story…It's going to be fun…

I hate it when authors insert real songs in fics, by the way…Just because they like them, etc…But I had to, for the purpose of this fic…It was minor though…

See you next time.


	5. Empty Heavens

Hmmm…haven't updated lately…Don't worry, I'm still around, and I haven't given up on any of my fics, just sort of checking out random fanfiction from other people…

By the way, if you haven't already, check out my sad and only completed fanfic, End of Evangelion: Darkness.

Well, enough talk, let's begin.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Empty Street**

Shinji Ikari strolled down the sidewalk, looking about the buildings around him, normally bustling with life, but now, around dusk, rather desolate.

He hummed to himself, strolling by store windows and peering into their dark, closed recesses.

"With or without you…hm…hmm…with or without you."

He stopped in front of a window apparently advertising fine women's clothing, peering at a light blue dress he thought would be great for Rei.

Too bad the store was closed, but buying gifts for Rei was the least he could do. She had been there for him when he had needed someone, when he had been at his lowest; she had come to his salvation. She had changed since those days in the Angel Wars.

_Shinji turned towards the young pilot, confused at her words._

"_We might die…"_

_Rei locked her eyes with his, her crimson orbs bewildering the Third Child._

"_Why do you say that? You will not die. I will protect you."_

Shinji sighed.

Maybe she hadn't changed so significantly, he had always sensed a warm almost maternal caring in her, somewhere underneath the cold fog of apathy

Shinji stopped at a crosswalk, lost in the memories of his past.

Suddenly a great screeching sound, Shinji spun around just in time to see a black sedan speeding towards him at breakneck speed.

His eyes bulged out as he realized what was happening, and then suddenly in the corner of his eye, a blonde woman in white sprang out, just in time to shout.

"Look out!"

Shinji sprinted away from the car, darting to the right, the black car swerving to continue to follow him, only a few feet away from him, getting closer, and closer.

Shinji kept running and running, he ran until his muscles ached, until his heart pumped, his veins bulging, his chest expanding and deflating rapidly.

But the car did not tire, it was a metal mongrel with tinted windows, Shinji couldn't even see the driver.

* * *

_No…No…I can't die like this…Not like this…Move! Faster! Move! You can't let Rei down, you can't…_

_Shinji shook his controls, feeling a soreness in his body, ignoring the draining feeling that was pervading, and the open wound in his chest._

"_No! Not like this! Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, please move! If it doesn't move now, if I don't do it now, everyone's going to die! I can't stand it anymore! It'll all be for nothing if you don't move!"_

_Shinji shivered uncontrollably, tears carving themselves down his pale face._

_He was nothing if he couldn't pilot it, he was useless, unloved._

_No one needed Shinji Ikari._

_They wanted the Third Child._

_Shinji peered at his useless hands and let out a choking moan._

_

* * *

_

"Move! Jump!"

Shinji let out a roar, hearing a voice telling him to jump, and did not think, simply following the instructions as he heard the bellow of the engine behind him.

Shinji's legs let out a huge final thrust, sending him flying up in the air, and then suddenly two warm hands grasped around him, hauling him up over onto an odd white structure as the car sped past.

He let out a gasp as he landed on his stomach and stared down at the black car as it passed by.

The windows were less tinted in the passenger seats, but he couldn't make out much, just a face pressed against the glass that seemed inhuman and disturbing and another head that was shaking rapidly, almost at an impossible speed.

There were faces pressed against the back window, and he shut his eyes, unable to take anymore of the inanity.

Shinji groaned and turned around to look at the person that had rescued him, his body weary.

Standing directly in front of him and looking down with a listless, incalculable face was a middle-aged blonde in a white lab coat who seemed mildly familiar.

"Ritsuko!"

Shinji's eyes blinked and then dilated as Shinji fell into a bright light, and then darkness.

* * *

_Shinji groaned, shaking away the sore feeling in his skull, and looked around, his eyes growing orientated to the darkness._

_He was in a vast, dimly-lit chamber, which seemed vaguely familiar, with a hard, cold metal floor._

_Squinting in the space ahead of him, he could barely make out two glowing orbs that seemed like the lens of glasses and then a familiar, rigid face._

_Gendo Ikari stared at him listlessly, as one would stare at a wall, or a piece of furniture._

_And then he smirked._

_Clenching his fists, Shinji shook his head, standing up straight and staring down his father, refusing to cower or flinch like the days of his youth._

"_No! You're dead! What are you doing here, you bastard!"_

"_That is irrelevant, Third Child. The question is, what are you doing here? Ask yourself that, and see if you can live with the answer, boy!"_

"_What the hell are you talking about, father!"_

"_Just repeat it to yourself, you'll feel better, Third Child. 'You're alone, and you'll die alone.' 'You're alone and you'll die alone.' You damned scum!"_

_The last word was delivered with much venom, Gendo's face twisting into a image of contempt and snarling disgust._

_Shinji shook his head, confused and angry, and charged forward towards his father, fists ready to strike down the man who had neglected him all his life._

_But the former Commander of NERV disappeared into a well of darkness, a swelling growth of darkness that covered the entire room, until Shinji could only stand and stumble, unable to see anything, let alone his own body._

"_Where am I, dammit! Father! Rei! Asuka? Asuka!"_

_Suddenly Ritsuko Akagi's voice, coming in at all directions, booming into his ears._

"_This is only a test, Shinji Ikari, you'll be fine, you'll be fine. Don't worry. The sins of the Ikari bloodline shall be avenged Everything will end up alright."_

_And then, his mother soft voice, and a smooth warm comfort creeping up his body._

"_As long as the sun, moon, and earth exist, everything will be alright, my son."_

_

* * *

_

"Are you alright? Hey, mister, you okay there?"

Shinji Ikari let out a moan, and then his eyes blinked open, the gray Tokyo-3 sky above him.

Yelping, he sat up quickly, his eyes darting around to see the retreating back of a young child, apparently the source from which the voice had come.

He shook his head, dusting the dirt of his body and realizing he was close to home.

Shinji spoke to himself as he slowly rose, as if to answer the child that had left, as if to answer that familiar child in the train car he had so often seen.

"I'm fine…I'm fine…I'm fine."

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji peered uncomfortably at Rei Ayanami as she yawned in his bed, stretching her arms and blinking her red eyes.

"What did you say happened?"

"Um…"

"You're just tired, Shinji, you haven't had sufficient rest these past few nights you know."

At the last word, Rei's left eye seemed to wink mischievously, which caused Shinji to shiver slightly completely unused to such an expression, voluntary or involuntary.

Shinji let his hands rest behind his neck and stared up at the ceiling mournfully, causing Rei to peer at him with a listless expression.

"Perhaps it's the pressure, Shinji? Thinking of Sohryu lately?"

Shinji stiffened and shook his head, still staring at the ceiling.

"No…No…Not Asuka. What made you bring her up?"

"You promised that you would not let Asuka torment you anymore. After what she did to you, after Kaworu, after all that self-hate, you swore, Shinji."

"I'm not…I'm not thinking of her…What made you think I was?"

"Because she always seems to be on your mind, Shinji, I just can't understand why you haven't forgotten that woman at all. She did nothing but antagonize you thoroughly for the whole time of the Angel Wars."

"When was the last time I said a word about her, Rei?"

"It does not have anything to do with spoken words…"

Rei paused, waiting for Shinji to answer, but he remained silent, apparently unable to continue the conversation.

Instead, he turned to her and slowly placed a hand on her shoulder, clearly still shy after all these years and experiences.

"It's all past me, Rei. It's all in the past."

"Maybe it's the war? Have you been having nightmares, Shinji?"

Shinji closed his eyes, turning over onto his back again.

"It's still there, Shinji, I know it is."

She placed a pale, warm hand on his forehead, and a slight, sad smile seemed to dance across her face, although Shinji could not see it.

"You cannot go through that ordeal without having reminders left in your psyche, I know it's true Shinji, but you must let go of the past."

Shinji shook his head, annoyed, his eyes fluttering open.

"No! What does that have to do with anything! The barricaded subway stations! The creatures! Those people!"

Rei seemed to let out a small, almost indiscernible sigh, slight and sublimely beautiful to the ears.

"There are plenty of odd humans left after the Angel Wars, you know it left a mark on humanity as a whole, but you managed to save us from a worse path. It is simply a trick of your mind, Shinji, you need calm."

"They're…They're like demons Rei…monsters…"

Rei rubbed Shinji's forehead consolingly but stiffly.

"Demons, Shinji? We faced the Angels, you fought with the Angels using the Evangelion series, you remember the ordeal, the information that leaked after the war. You've seen far worse than some homeless people and deformed street kids. It is simply the pressure, Shinji."

Shinji shook his head under Rei's hand.

"No…Rei. They were trying to kill me, to run me over! And I swear I saw-"

"Teenagers on a joyride, Shinji…It happens all the time, the post-Tokyo-3 government is still struggling to police the streets, you are aware of that yourself Shinji, you tried yourself to fix the problems of this city, but you felt the consequences of that with Kaworu. You need to let go, Shinji, you need to stop blaming yourself."

"They…They weren't human, Rei! They weren't human!"

"Think logically, Shinji? What could they have been but human? The Angels were destroyed long ago. You made sure of that yourself."

Shinji doesn't answer, turning over onto his stomach and staring into his pillow, his body shivering with what could be sobs, although the shivering is only slight and tears do not run from his eyes.

"Do you still love me, Shinji? I still feel empathy for you…"

Shinji Ikari does not respond, shutting his eyes tight at the darkness of the pillow muffling his face, voices echoing through his mind.

"_You are worthy of my empathy…in other words, I love you."_

"_So you think you love me, you idiot!"_

"_I feel a warmness when I'm around you, Shinji, although I cannot understand why._

_

* * *

_

Way too short? Well, I'm sorry for that, but I was in Europe for a few weeks, and I have a ton of fanfics to update and lots of other non-fanfic stuff to write.

I had to get back into my train of thought, so if this chapter seemed brief or mediocre, that's why.

Well, see you Chapter Six.


	6. Unwell World

Chapters a bit short maybe? Meh…I'm comfortable like this, instead of the chaotic chapters of Madness…This is sort of like the comfortableness of Darkness, which is the only fanfic I've finished so far…

Well, let's get on with it, hope you're enjoying it so far.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji and Rei sat at the breakfast table, Shinji passively eating some cereal as Rei shuffled a newspaper in front of her.

A drop of blood falls onto the table but Rei wipes it on her finger and licks it off disinterestedly.

"Have you seen this, Shinji? The mayoral race is coming around again…"

"And they want me to run again, like they said last year, right?"

Shinji sighed.

"You were the first mayor of Tokyo 3 after the destruction…And they love you, they regard you as their savior, which you know you are."

Shinji stiffened, still not used to praise.

"Hmmm. You know I can't Rei, not after what…you know I can't."

Rei tenderly wiped a tear trickling down Shinji's face away, leaving a small watery crimson smudge on Shinji's cheek.

"I know Shinji, I know, it's alright, you're alright Shinji."

* * *

_Asuka Langley Sohryu stared at Shinji as he sat passively in his chair, silent, his eyes hollow and lifeless._

"_Shinji! Shinji? You can't stay moping like this, we've got to get food, dammit! I know Misato and everyone else is dead now, but you can't do this to me, don't be an idiot!"_

_Shinji remained silent, his chin to his chest._

_Asuka had been trying to rouse him for what seemed like and most probably was, many days, but he had remained silent and apathetic._

_She growled, slowly untying his robe and making her mischievous face, her voice smooth and seductive._

_Sensuously she leans forward and rubs his naked chest with her hands, waiting for some sort of response._

_The old Shinji would've blushed heavily and ran off, blurting an apology, but Shinji remained sitting, not even responding to Asuka's touch, sitting silently, disinterested._

_Furious, she slapped him, leaving a glaring red mark on Shinji's face, moving his head to the left. _

_Shinji made no effort to correct it._

_Bounding away, she cursed at the top of her voice, fuming with rage._

"_You stupid little shit! Who do you think you are to ignore me like this! Especially after I had to do that, you bastard! Stupid idiot Third Child, you're just spineless, if you want to die, go ahead and die."_

_Shinji looked up at her, and then suddenly a blur and a deep darkness._

_Then a voice._

"_Shinji! Shinji? Idiot? Shinji? Are you alright?"_

_Shinji groaned, the first sound that had left his voice for days, and lifted himself off the ground, looking at the oddly worried face of Asuka. He felt quite dizzy and light-headed for some reason._

"_Yes…I'm fine…I'm fine…I'm…I'm fine…"_

_Suddenly, Rei's soft voice seemed to come from Asuka's mouth, making Shinji let out a shriek of confusion._

"_Shinji? Are you alright?"_

_

* * *

_  
**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji looked around, confused.

"I'm…I'm fine…"

Rei's worried face looked down on him, shaking her head and caressing his face.

"It was just a dream Shinji, just a flashback, you must've dozed off in your chair."

Shinji nodded to himself, whispering to himself.

"Just a dream…Yeah…It was always a dream with her."

"Huh?"

Shinji peered up at Rei listlessly.

"Oh…nothing Rei…nothing."

"Do you love me?"

Shinji nodded and Rei smiled coyly, slight but very easy for Shinji to see, rubbing her fingers into his soft hair.

"Representative Hikari invited us to some sort of social gathering or party tonight…You still want to go, don't you Shinji? You need to relieve your stress."

Shinji nodded once more, and Rei smiled.

"You still love me, Shinji?"

Shinji nodded one last time, only heavily, as if the question exhausts him.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Tokyo 3 Hospital, Mental Clinic**

Shinji Ikari sighed as he entered the room, feeling quite uncomfortable.

It was filled with policemen, nurses and patients, and Shinji noticed an old man that seemed vaguely familiar sitting among the patients, although he was handcuffed to his chair.

Shinji approached the main reception desk, speaking nervously to the old woman inside.

"Yes, Mr. Ikari?"

A short old woman danced in front of Shinji, an obscene old jig, and the receptionist shouted at her.

"Sit down this instant! Yes, Mr. Ikari?"

"I need to see Dr. Kiriyama please."

"Kiriyama?"

The receptionist bent down to one of the files in front of her.

"Is he new here, Mr. Ikari?"

"New? No, he's been here for years."

Shinji tapped his foot impatiently as the receptionist looked at a bundle of papers in front of her.

"Not according to my charts. Do you have an appointment?"

Shinji sighed, shaking his head.

"Forget it, forget it, just please let me see him. Just give me a pass, ten minutes, I know where his room is, I won't be long."

The receptionist put away her papers and spoke, her voice calm.

"Our doctors are seen by appointment only."

Shinji leaned over towards her, speaking quickly.

"Damn…He knows me; I was in his first program. Don't you even recognize me? He knows me."

The receptionist blinked, unsure.

"What-What was your name?"

"Ikari, Shinji Ikari."

She rose, her face unhappy, trudging over to a file cabinet and going through it several times for a few minutes while Shinji stood impatient and then returning to Shinji, her face glinting with an odd emotion.

"I'm sorry…There's no record of a Shinji Ikari in our hospital files. Maybe you're at the wrong hospital."

"Wrong hospital? And what do you mean by no record?"

The receptionist raised her voice, a contrast to Shinji's whispered impatience.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? There is nothing there!"

"That's ridiculous; I've been coming here for years…"

Shinji leaned forward, rubbing his head, his face tired.

"Listen to me…I'm…I…I've been…I just…I just need to see Dr. Kiriyama."

"If this is an emergency we have a staff of psychiatric social workers. There's about an hour's wait. I'll be glad to take your name. Why don't you just fill out this form?"

Shinji clenched his fist, kicking the receptionist's desk and sending a few pens to the floor.

"I don't want to see any social worker!"

Shinji took in a deep breath, his voice calm again.

"I…need to talk to Dr. Kiriyama…He knows me."

The receptionist sighed, bending over to pick up her fallen pens, her nurse's cap falling over in the process.

Shinji gasped, his eyes centering onto her head, stumbling back.

Two small odd almost knuckle-like protrusions poke out of her brown hair, almost like horns.

Shinji stumbled back more as she replaced the cap and glared at him, one hand keeping her cap on.

The former Third Child swallowed deeply and then ran through the door marked "Patients only" that he had entered so many times with Dr. Kiriyama.

As he sprinted he could hear the receptionist's intense, almost enraged voice.

"Hey! Come back here! You can't go in there!"

Shinji continued running as he heard the policeman that had been next to the door give chase with clomping footsteps.

Shinji charged down hall after hall full of patients, some swaying and mumbling to themselves.

Quickly charging through the interior corridors of the aging institution, Shinji running faster.

Meanwhile a line of mental patients, all holding hands, is moving down the hall.

They break ranks as Shinji charges by and begin to scream at the top of their voices. Their attendant tries to calm them down but the sight of the policeman following after Shinji only increases their hysteria. They grab hold of him as he tries to get by, shaking him around and making odd noises.

Meanwhile, Shinji ducked into a familiar door, his eyes wide in surprise, a ring of men and women sitting down in the middle of a dimly-lit room, and in the center of them, a beard bespectacled man in a large chair.

"Can I help you?"

"Dr. Kiriyama, isn't this his office?"

The man peered at Shinji uncomfortably and stood, slowly leading Shinji to the corner of the room while the rest of the people stare at them uneasily.

"I'm so…so sorry…Obviously you didn't hear. Dr. Kiriyama has died."

Shinji stared at the man, tired and stunned.

"Dead!"

"It was a car accident…"

"Oh…When!"

"Last month…"

"How did it happen?"

"No one really knows, they say it blew up."

Shinji stared at him, growing pale.

"Blew up? What do you mean?"

The man shrugged, trying to put his arm around Shinji's shoulder, but Ikari pulled away uncomfortably.

"Do you want me to get someone?"

"No…No…I'm alright now…I think."

He backs quickly to the door, turning and realizing that all the people in the circle are staring at him intently for some odd reason.

Turning away, unsettled, he hurried back down the hallway, bumping into mental patients and nurses, frightened and confused.

Suddenly a voice.

"Hey you! Freeze!"

Shinji peered forward, seeing the policeman apparently waiting for him.

"Hold it. Just hold it. Where the hell do you think you are? This is Tokyo 3, for God's sake. People running around here get shot."

The bespectacled man suddenly appeared behind Shinji, startling him, and motioned to the policeman, waving him away.

"It's alright, he's fine, he's alright."

The policeman nodded warily, mumbling to himself as he holstered his pistol and walked away.

Shinji made his way back towards the lobby, almost running out of the clinic and not looking back, mumbling to himself under his breath.

"I'm fine…I'm just fine…Just fine Asuka, just fine…"

* * *

Well, this chapter was about a paragraph longer than the previous one…But that was a quick update, huh? Hope you enjoyed Shinji's adventure through hospital beaurocracy and weirdness…Goodtimes, eh?

Well, see you next chapter.


	7. Uncomfortable Company

Well…Here's the next chapter, I'm at least getting some reviews, input is always great, hope you're enjoying it so far…It's going to get crazier and hopefully better as the chapters go by.

Well, let's start the show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

"_You'll be alright, right Shinji?"_

Those were here last words before she'd left to go to work, a part-time consultant for some sort of security firm, Shinji hadn't ever really asked.

He sniffled back his cold and sighed, his sigh turning into more of a cough.

The apartment seemed rather in shambles today for some reason, the cleaning lady hadn't shown up lately.

Their apartment was a member of a large complex of apartments in this great, gray, familiar Tokyo 3 apartment building. There were a few apartments on each floor, and they were all quite cheap and well-furbished, the only minor problem being that there was only one bathroom per floor, which they had to share. They did have showers and bathtubs in their own rooms though, so it wasn't too much of a problem.

He sighed, leaning against his comfortable chair and staring out the window.

From this window, they had a view of most of the building, a few other apartments, and their shared bathroom. Presently there was the silhouette of a man with a baseball cap, standing in the bathroom.

He sighed, still fighting the last remnants of a cold, with absolutely nothing to do but sit by the window and absorb the "fresh air" as Rei had prescribed.

Shinji stood slowly, peering around the room, feeling like he should do some cleaning while he was cooped up in here.

He started dusting the table and looking around, suddenly remembering his days of being a "housebroken male" as Asuka Langley Sohryu would put it, back in Misato's apartment during the Angel Wars.

Quickly scurrying about, he began his mission to make this pigsty at least acceptable by the time Rei had returned in the early evening.

Dusting, moving his furniture, cleaning the dishes, and finally, moving the other furniture.

The "other" furniture was the only piece of furniture that had come with the apartment when they had moved in, a large antiquated old brown drawer that Rei thought was "interesting" enough to keep, for some reason.

Shinji pushed into it, moving it quite effortlessly, to clean up whatever horrors were behind it, most likely spiders and dust.

Coughing against a rising cloud of dust, he peered down at the space he had cleared, and was shocked to find a slim cigar box, old and decayed, sitting where the drawer had met the wall.

"What the heck?"

He reached down for it, and then stopped in mid-grasp unsure of what to do, tentative until pure curiosity overwhelmed him and he grabbed the cigar box, careful not to break the decayed wood, and placed it on his dining table.

Shinji slowly opened it, expecting nothing, or maybe some gold dubloons if he was lucky.

Inside were a pair of small binoculars and an old toothbrush.

He threw the toothbrush away in disgust and then held the binoculars up. They seemed to be oddly clean and he wondered if they worked, holding them up to his eyes and staring out the window with them.

The apartment building seemed inactive in the warm afternoon, laundry lines, empty balconies…And the bathroom window.

Shinji's eyes widened as he stared at it. The silhouette of a man stood there, dead still, not moving, and Shinji was quite sure it was the same man he had viewed standing there doing nothing, hours ago.

"What the hell?"

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Hikari Suzuhara's Apartment**

The apartment bounced with loud dance music, people in the center of the room dancing and gyrating in the odd strobe lights. It was, of course, in a completely different apartment building than Shinji and Rei's, as their neighbors would obviously not tolerate the noise, in the western sector of Tokyo 3.

To the corner, away from the dancing, was a familiar group.

Shinji Ikari stood, looking rather uncomfortable, thoughts of possibly meeting a certain red-head here haunting him, with a silent Rei latched onto his arm and slightly drunk Kensuke and Touji, who were firing drunken jokes at him.

"So…Shinji you hear about…the one with the drunken stripper and…"

A hand grabbed Touji's ear, and he let out an awkward yelp as Hikari showed up behind him, sending him an angry side glare and then smiling warmly at Shinji.

She had matured into an attractive woman, although the freckles and warm smile were still there.

"So, how are you doing in that new apartment with Rei, Shinji?"

Touji smiled, the wineglass in his hand shaking.

"Yea….Shinji…you gotten used to your neighbors yet?"

Shinji smiled, warily.

"Getting used to them…I have no problem, you know…They have to get used to use too."

Touji chuckled slowly.

"They keep buggin' ya, Kensuke and I know a few ways…of dealing with them, eh Kensuke?"

Kensuke smiled.

"Sure, we know some great tricks."

"Like we could come around in the middle of the night and yell up at you guys from the courtyard, you see what I mean?"

Touji chuckled, actually shouting now, raising his wineglass, which sloshed precariously.

"Hey Ikari! Come out for a drink, eh! Come on now, get movin'!"

Kensuke giggled oddly, stumbling around before continuing.

"Or we can knock on the floor below, after midnight of course."

Touji smiled, mischievously as he teetered.'

"That's right, we can show up, knocking on the door real loud and shout, 'On your feet, shitface! We're out to the park for a blowj-'"

Touji let out a yelp, not finishing his shouting as Hikari indiscreetly kicked him in the shin.

Shinji actually chuckled then, more at Hikari's scolding than the joke, although Touji seemed to think he'd enjoyed the shouting, joining in the chuckling with him until Shinji stopped, his face casually serious all of a sudden.

"You know…There is something odd going on in our apartment building."

Shinji could all of a sudden sense Rei's calm eyes on the side of his head.

"I quite often see people in the toilets…on the other side of the courtyard."

Kensuke giggled.

"What, are you a peeping Tom now, Shinji?"

Touji joined in, chuckling and then promptly received a kick in the leg from a certain former Class Representative.

"You mean people together in the shithouse? Like an orgy? Ow!"

"No…No…They just stand there for hours, you know? Absolutely dead still."

Touji giggled.

"They're obviously playing with…with themselves, Shinji."

"Not at all…"

Kensuke chuckled, his bespectacled eyes twinkling, apparently in agreement with Shinji.

"He just told you Touji, they stand dead still. Can you play with yourself without moving?"

Hikari scowled and Rei simply remained silent, although there was a look of concern in her crimson eyes as Shinji mumbled to himself.

"I could've sworn…"

Touji teetered, leaning against his one artificial leg, trying to reply, his glass sloshing around a bit in his drunken stupor.

The wine sloshes around as Touji moves, almost flying out, and Shinji seems fixated on it.

Rei seems to wish Hikari a stiff goodbye and leads Shinji away, who seems quite disorientated.

He quickly let go of Rei's hand, hearing an odd noise, which seemed to be coming from a covered birdcage in the corner.

Ignoring Rei's voice, which was drowned out by the music, Shinji stumbled towards the birdcage, quickly pulling off the cloth cover.

The bird flaps it's wings inside rapidly and furiously, banging it's head on the bars as if it's trying to escape and then lets out a loud and almost insolent squawk, startling Shinji.

Shinji stumbled away, peering at the dining room and noticing a vaguely familiar girl staring at someone's bared palm. He remembered she'd been in his classroom, one of Hikari's good friends other than Asuka…Miyu something.

She seemed to notice and recognize Shinji and raised her hand, waving and motioning for him to come over.

She smiles as Shinji silently comes over and shouts at him over the music, which seemed to be growing louder.

"Hey! Shinji! Let me read your palm, c'mon!"

Shinji sighs and shrugs his shoulders as Hikari calls out from the dance floor with Touji.

"Go on Shinji! She reads them like a book."

Shinji stumbles away, shaking his head.

"No thanks."

Miyu seemed to pout.

"Awww, come on it's fun."

Shinji sighed again, assenting, feeling quite lethargic for some reason all of a sudden as Miyu grabs his left hand palm up and begins peering at it.

She squeezes the mounds of it and runs her hands across the different lines and smiling playfully.

Shinji yawns and peers around the room while she looks at his palm, locking eyes with Rei from across the room, sending a chill up his spine. Her eyes seemed concerned and maybe…

_Jealous? Nah…_

Shinji turns back to Miyu, noticing her expression seems suddenly rather serious and that she's comparing both of his palms now.

"You've got…an unusual hand, Shinji."

"I could've told you that…"

She smiled slightly and began pointing out different lines on Shinji's palm.

"You see this line here? It's your life line. Here's where you were born. And this is where you got married. You're a married man, huh? Oh oh. Nope. Divorce. See this split?"

She begins to examine the line she had indicated as his life line, concern back on her face.

Shinji peered once more at Rei, noticing that she seems to be motioning for him to come, quickly. He's quite groggy though and presently decides to ignore her, looking back at Miyu.

"You know…you've got a strange line here…"

Jacob looked down on it, smiling wryly.

"It's short, huh?"

"Short…No, Shinji, it's ended."

Shinji laughed lightheartedly.

"Oh great."

Miyu's face seemed grave however.

"It's not funny Shinji…according to this, you're-"

Suddenly a pale hand grabbed firmly around his wrist, interrupting Miyu and pulling Shinji and his odd palms away.

Shinji smiled down at Rei as she led him to the dance floor.

Rei Ayanami, although she might not seem like the dancing type, was quite adept at most forms of dance and found it quite enjoyable to dance in a social atmosphere…As long as Shinji accompanied her, of course.

There were hoots and whistles as Shinji entered the dance floor, voice shouting, challenging.

"Come on man, show your stuff!"

Shinji seems easily intimidated like the days of his piloting, relenting and peering at Rei while nodding apologetically back at Miyu, who nodded back, an uncomfortable smile inexplicably plastered on her face.

"Come on man, you can dance too!"

Shinji seems silent, looking down, obviously embarrassed about some sort of inadequacy in the area of dancing. This was nothing like the synchronized dancing he'd had with Asuka.

Rei speaks, her voice hard to hear over the music, as if reading his mind.

"Except this dance is much easier, no training Shinji, just allow your body to move with the rhythm of the music."

Shinji smiled warmly at her and nodded, but turned away uncomfortably afterwards, allowing Rei to drift off into the dance floor by herself.

He sighed, peering out into Hikari's apartment.

In the shadows, a woman seemed to be kneeling onto the carpet and urinating, but Shinji's disgusted view is cut off by a group of dancers and he turns away, his face twisted in dismay.

A pregnant woman stands half naked in the kitchen and Shinji shudders, turning his gaze. Nothing is more disturbingly obscene than seeing a pregnant woman when you're mildly drunk.

In the next room, past Rei, Shinji can see the vague silhouette of a man, a man whose head seems to be vibrating at such enormous speed that it has lost all definition.

Something about the image compelled and frightened Shinji.

Slowly he approached the man, his fists clenching and unclenching.

As he drew nearer to the tortured image it let out a scream of such pain and unearthly terror that Shinji stumbled backwards, distraught, surprised that no one had heard the noise over the music.

Shinji leans backwards against a wall, shaking his head and holding his forehead, which seemed oddly warm.

_Touji must've slipped something in my drink…yeah…that's it…a prank gone wrong…_

Shinji sighed uncontrollably as he stood straight, the music seeming to grow unbearably loud.

Hikari seemed to notice him and smiled weakly.

"Are you alright Shinji?"

He flashed her an uneasy smile.

"Fine…Just fine…"

* * *

Weird cutoff point for the chapter? Short? Well, I wanted to do that on purpose, you'll see much more next chapter, Hikari's Dance Party isn't done yet! Wooo! Rock on!

See you next time.


	8. State of Emergency

Well, here's Chapter Eight…Hope you've enjoyed it so far…And for all those who think this is going nowhere and is too slow, just be patient, sure I've spent a lot of time on Shinji's weirdness, but that's one of the main points of the fanfic…Just be patient.

Well, let's go then.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Hikari Suzuhara's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari sighed, peering around the room as people danced, the music still loud, the party still quite alive deep into the night.

His eyes bulged out as he remembered the horrifying thing he had seen only minutes ago, vibrating, and then someone grabbed him by his shoulder, spinning him around.

He stumbled dizzily as he saw a woman with long black hair and creamy white skin dancing in front of him, smiling, and he stared on disorientated as she edged closer.

She took Shinji's hand, her smile widening as she guided it to her back, which was bare since she was wearing a tight, backless dress.

Shinji absentmindedly ran his hand over her back, and then recoiled, feeling something odd, completely confused at his surroundings.

He peered at her as she spun around, smiling, and noticed in horror that her back was a whole mass of shoulder blades and bony protrusions.

Shinji gasped, stumbling back, then gasped louder as he felt Rei come out of nowhere and kiss his neck, adding to his disorientation.

He fell down on the dance floor, his head jerking, and barely managed to avoid being crushed by what seemed like thousands of odd shoes.

Miraculously, he manages to raise himself back up, and his world comes back into focus.

Shinji stared on in complete surprise as Rei gyrated wildly in front of him, a huge satisfied smile on her face.

_It's not that…Rei doesn't dance and act different when I'm around, but just never…like this in front of other people, not even after all this time._

Shinji gasped as he felt a small pale hand clasp his, gently jerking him forward, encouraging him to dance, but Rei seemed to be dancing to her own odd rhythm.

Shinji stares, confused, but it's then that he realizes that the smile is not for him.

Standing behind Rei is another dancer, his hands around her slender waist, moving with her in some sort of almost erotic embrace. It almost looks like he's mounting the young woman from behind.

_Dear God…Rei must have gotten drunk or something, I have no idea how her body or mind would react to alcohol! Dammit I should've been more careful!_

Shinji stared on, trying to shake what he couldn't admit to himself was jealousy, and suddenly noticed something about the male dancer's feet.

They have a bizarre clubbed appearance and look very much like hooves. They skid and careen amidst the other dancing feet.

Shinji stumbled backwards, unable to register what his eyes were showing him, and then suddenly with a great noise, something horrible and wing-like appeared behind Rei's back, flapping in the music.

Shinji stared on, his eyes bulging, the sight inducing a sort of primal terror in him.

Before Shinji could truly react, Rei opened her mouth, baring her small teeth as a spiked horn erupted from her throat with a great roaring sound. It jutted menacingly out from between her teeth and into the air, and for some reason the dancers around them began to scream in approval and excitement.

Shinji stumbled around, his face a visage of pure disbelief and terror, everything around him suddenly blurring, he peered at the blurred faces of the dancers around him and they suddenly seemed terrifying, their faces perverse corrupted aspects of their normal selves.

Shinji grabbed his eyes, as if trying to pull the vision straight out of his head, but it won't go away. The music throbs, the apartment shaking visibly from the booming bass, bits of dust and ceiling falling to the floor as the dancers screamed even louder in excitement.

Shinji shook his head rapidly, a piece of plaster barely missing him as he looked at the spinning crowd, noticing a shock of red hair that seemed too familiar in the crowd, a woman with fair skin, blue eyes and crimson hair, staring straight at Shinji with questioning eyes, startling him and scaring him.

Shinji stumbled around, almost spinning in circles, his actions spastic, almost delirious as his frenzy of stumbling and spinning becomes almost like a sort of exorcism, a desperate try to free himself from his body and mind.

He blinked once more as he descended into darkness, his eyes passing on beyond the pain, the dark walls of the apartment fading past.

* * *

_Shinji Ikari stared at the controls, stared at his shivering body, and then stared past into the crumbled field beyond which held his great white enemies._

"_I can't…I can't give…I can't let this happen…I know now…I know that I want to stay in this place! I know that I truly enjoyed being with them, through hard and happy times! Maybe I'll still make mistakes… I'll hurt them in order to be myself. And I'll apologize as well…For being alive…But I find it harder to hurt others…I'm just realizing this again. And I'll keep doing this over and over. What matters is that I wish to stay here. I hate myself…But, I might be able to love myself. I might be able to stay here…I am nothing, I have nothing, but I am I! I wish to be I! I want to stay here! I can stay here! I can learn to love!" _

_Shinj continued mumbling feverishly to himself, ignoring the aching pains all over his body and the soft feminine voice shouting to him over his communication channel._

_He stared up at the night sky, his eyes bulging._

_His eyes focused on the moon. Rings of light emanated from it filling the sky with their sparkling brilliance. The rings drew his eyes forward with a quickening intensity that grows into exhilarating speed. The rush caused them to flash stroboscopically and produces a dazzling, almost sensual, surge of color. The display is spectacular and compelling, causing Shinji's eyes to dilate rapidly._

"_No…not like this…not like this!"_

_He let out a roar, gripping his controls as his giant avatar lurched forward, letting out an equally inhuman roar._

_And then, a simple white blinding flash and a familiar presence._

_

* * *

_

Shinji stood, breathing heavily, suddenly back in Hikari's apartment, his eyes no longer aching.

The apartment is quite the same, the music still blaring, dancers smiling and sweating.

He stumbled about as cheer and applause rang out, apparently directed towards him and Rei since they both stood in the middle of the applauding dancers and Rei seemed to smile, hugging Shinji lightly, enjoying their shared touch.

Shinji suddenly jerked around as someone slapped him on the back, random dancers walking by and speaking to him.

Shinji suddenly noticed it was Touji and Kensuke, still extremely drunk.

"You are out of your mind, man! Out of your damn mind!"

"Yeah! Shinji, you little devil, you never told me you could dance like that!

"Ehehe, what'd you put in his drink, eh Rei?"

Rei slowly pulled Shinji back, giving him a smile that he knew was his and his only, it would never be anyone else's.

He plopped down in a chair in the corner, his chest heaving, and suddenly grabbed ahold of his stomach, his face frightened and distorted.

Rei's quiet voice wafted into his ears, laced with care and worry.

"Are you okay, Shinji?"

"I…I want to leave, let's get out of here."

Rei peered at her, evidently worried.

"But you said you wanted to spend time with your former classmates, Shinji, didn't you? What is wrong?"

Shinji suddenly pulled Rei to him, embracing her, shocking the blue-haired girl, but she soon softened and returned the embrace as she heard Shinji's voice in her ear, coated with paranoia.

"Rei…Where are we?"

Rei peered at Shinji as he broke the embrace, her face registering a miniscule bit of surprise.

"We are at your former class representative Hikari's house, you remember, Shinji."

"Where?"

"What do you mean Shinji? I did just tell you. Are you sure you're fine?"

"I'm fine now, I'm fine…Just…Where's Hikari? Bring her here…"

"Why? What for?"

Shinji seemed agitated, holding his stomach and rocking painfully.

"Show me Hikari, please!"

Hikari's voice suddenly wafted into Shinji's ears, from a few feet away.

"I'm right here Shinji, what's up? Boy that was quite a dance."

Shinji stared at her, his eyes squinting into slits.

"Hikari?"

Hikari raised an eyebrow, feeling odd.

"Uh…You wanted to see me, right? Well here I am…"

"I…see."

"What do you want?"

"Just to see you. That's all."

Hikari blushed slightly, evidently quite uncomfortable.

"Right…How do I look?"

"Like Hikari."

Suddenly as the last word left Shinji's mouth, he gasped, breaking out in a dense sweat, his entire body shaking and convulsing.

Rei quickly sprang forward, worried, touching his shaking forehead.

"Are you alright Shinji? You're burning up, your forehead. What's wrong? Are you still sick, Shinji?"

Hikari touched his forehead too, slowly, gasping.

"Wow…That's hot, maybe from all that dancing he did…"

Rei's hand flitted against Shinji's forehead again, her cool delicate hand almost caressing his burning forehead.

"I think you should lie down."

Shinji continued to shake, at an even faster pace, uncontrollably in his chair, and people began to gather around, staring at him.

"Can't you stop it?"

Shinji spoke through his convulsive shaking, his voice surprisingly fine.

"If I could stop it, I would have already."

"Is he sick?"

"Boy, he's on fire."

"Let me help you."

Miyu reached out to Shinji, but unexpectedly, he recoiled, jumping to his feet like a wild man and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Stay away from me! Don't you come near me! All of you. Go to hell! Go to hell, goddamn you! Stay away!"

The last thing Shinji saw as he teetered off into darkness was a man to the corner, a smirk on his face, and Shinji recognized him as the man whose head had been vibrating so rapidly and inhumanely.

The man paused, and then spoke, his voice smooth.

"I'll call a cab."

* * *

_Shinji sat nervously on the couch in front of the television, rubbing the bandages on his head. Asuka was seemingly intent on watching the soap opera in front of them, and the Third Child was quite relieved she wasn't directing her attention on him._

_Asuka's stomach grumbled quite loudly, interrupting the relative peace._

"_Damn I'm hungry! Hey Shinji, where the hell is dinner!"_

"_Well…I was waiting for Misato to…"_

"_Are you stupid! She's too busy at NERV Headquarters to bother to come here…they're still repairing all that damage, or don't you remember, idiot!"_

_Shinji clenched his prosthetic hand and frowned._

"_Sorry"_

"_Humph! There you go again with your constant apologizing"_

"_But it's my fau-"_

"_Shut up!"_

"_Sorr-"_

_Asuka roughly pushed him back onto the couch with a snort and strolled towards her room, leaving the Third Child in a gloomy daze._

_Shinji lay there on the couch, unable to sleep, yet unable to gather the energy to do anything._

_So he simply lay there, contemplating all that had befallen him in his time at NERV…and all the people he had met._

_His father, Gendo Ikari, now laying in a coma. Such a powerful man helpless to the cords of fate, which were even now spinning new events, or perhaps being cut. Shinji didn't know what to think about his father…Those kind words…The abandonment…Touji…Touji…Touji. He could not forgive his father for that…ever! Yet he could not bring himself to despise his father. He almost felt sympathy for the man, since they shared the common feeling of loss. Yui Ikari. For Shinji the loss of a mother he had barely known but still dreamed of. For Gendo the loss of a wife and collaborator, and perhaps Shinji thought, a true love. _

_Then there was Asuka Langley Sohryu, the Second Child. He couldn't bring up a single emotion to describe what he felt about her. There was hate, companionship, empathy, admiration, mixed with dozens of other things. Yet he had lately felt one of them growing above the others, despite her sadism towards him._

_His mind finally rested on the pale mystery that was Rei Ayanami. He felt something for her quite similar to what he felt for Asuka. Confusion, hopeful friendship, and perhaps even empathy. She was cold and distant, but sometimes warmer and familiar, like some blue-haired enigma. _

_Shinji's inner thoughts were interrupted by soft sobbing. At first Shinji reached for his face, thinking he had been crying without himself realizing it, as he often was these days. Yet his face was mostly dry, and on closer inspection, he realized the sound was emanating from Asuka's room._

_Shinji slowly inched his way towards the closed door and then froze, sweat dripping off his brow. He remembered the last time he had tried something…she had been having these nightmares for weeks it seemed._

_The Third Child nodded to himself as if silently affirming something and then began to slowly and silently open the door, as if he hoped Asuka would be asleep and he wouldn't have to do anything._

_The opened door revealed Asuka silently dozing on her bed, her eyes red from tears, but evidently sleeping and not cognizant of Shinji's intrusion._

_Shinji smirked to himself, glad that he hadn't actually encountered anything and spun around to leave when his foot caught on something and slammed him down on the ground._

_Shinji swore silently as Pen-Pen skittered off after accidentally tripping him. Then he noticed where he was lying._

_He was on the ground and his face was inches away from Asuka's slumbering countenance, so close that he could almost feel her warm breath on his face._

_Shinji stared at the face and blushed deeply._

_She was like an angel in slumber, even when she was so teary-eyed. _

_He could stare at it for hours, yet he knew it was time to do something, mainly flee as fast as possible before she woke up, or…_

_In a fit of bravery caused by a mix of empathy and hormonal passion, Shinji slowly edged his face closer to the beautiful face in front of him. Each second as he drew close seemed like an eternity._

_But finally their lips touched, and Shinji drank in a light yet satisfying peck on her lips, fully expecting to die when she woke up. But he was in peace now, and would be willing, he told himself, after that._

_Suddenly Asuka moved her face closer, her eyes still closed and clamped her lips onto his, responding in a deep kiss, which sent Shinji in a biological frenzy and almost gave him a stroke as he felt her tongue slashing against his lips and her slow pleased moans._

_

* * *

_

Shinji's eyes blinked open and close as he stared up into the ceiling, dozens of people including Rei and Hikari staring down at his fallen body, tears flowing down his face.

And off in the corner of his vision, he could still see her, the red-headed girl, staring down at him, except now, her face was a visage of disgust and spite.

_Nothing…ever changes._

_

* * *

_

Weird chapter? Lame chapter? Eh whatever…I enjoyed writing it, and I can guarantee that the next few chapters are going to get even weirder and even worse for poor Shinji, although you might see some R/S if you're lucky and even some A/S!

Well, see you next chapter.


	9. Crumbling Barriers

Well, I appreciate the reviews…I'm actually working on a couple new fanfics while working on the four or five I already have including this, and now that FoD isn't retarded I'm working on that too…

But I just like writing, the writing load doesn't seem big at all.

Well, let's start the show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji lay down against his bed, with a thermometer in his mouth, sweat dripping off his face profusely.

Rei seemed to be lightly pacing around him.

"I was worried for your safety Shinji, I've never been so mortified, screaming like that. It's my fault, I should have never allowed you to attend that party without seeing if you were still sick or not."

Rei reached over for his thermometer pulling it out and then looking at it closely.

Shinji yawned.

"What does it say, one hundred and two?"

"I can't believe this Shinji, I'm calling a doctor."

She ran out of the room while Shinji sluggishly called after her.

"What's it say, Rei?"

Rei responded as she dialed the phone in the other room.

"It's hit the top, it's filled up completely."

"How high is that?"

"The highest it goes is one hundred and seven."

Rei stopped talking, whispering into the phone, her glance darting back between the phone and the bedroom.

Shinji began shaking again, and reached for another blanket at the foot of the bed. He pulled it up around his shoulders and the whole bed seems to be oddly vibrating because of his shivering.

Suddenly Rei rushed into the bedroom, glancing at Shinji with wide eyes, and then into the bathroom, turning on the faucet in the bathtub.

Shinji spoke through his chattering teeth.

"What…the…what are you doing Rei?"

Rei paced back to Shinji, speaking, her voice almost emotionless and business-like.

"Get your clothes off."

"What are you talking about Rei? I'm freezing…"

Rei's face seemed to break into worry and she actually raised her voice slightly, if only slightly.

"Get your clothes off, Shinji!"

Shinji gave her a confused look and yawned again as she dashed back into the kitchen.

"What'd the doctor say?"

"That you'd die on your way to the hospital. Now get into the bathtub, quickly."

Shinji just stared at her as she paced around, bursting out of the kitchen carrying four trays of ice cubes. She hurried into the bathroom and dumped them all into the tub.

"He's coming right over."

"Coming here?"

"Come on Shinji, we can't wait any longer."

Rei rushed out of the bathroom, and pulled Shinji out of the bed, helping him rise. She began pulling him towards the bathroom, having great difficulty in trying to undress him as he shivered while navigating him through the room.

Finally she maneuvered the shaking young man into the bathroom, next to the tub.

Shinji peers over at the bathtub filled with ice cubes with wide eyes as they floated in the water.

"You're out of your mind, Rei. I'm not getting in there. I'd rather die!"

"That is your decision Shinji, but you must think about the other people in your life when making it."

"Look at me Rei, I'm ice cold already!"

"You're red hot, Shinji, now get in there quickly, I need to go get more ice."

Rei dashed out of the room, the sound of the apartment door shutting, and then, silence.

Shinji lifted his foot slowly, dipping his toe into the water, but then pulled it away instant.

"My god!"

Shinji grit his teeth, clenching his fists, an old mantra in his head as he dipped his foot fully in, the ice cold water turning his foot red.

_I mustn't run away…I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away…_

Finally he yanked his foot out with a yelp, unable to keep it in any longer, wrapping the red foot in a towel and rubbing it vigorously to get rid of the stinging pain. He stared at the water, unable to move, paralyzed by the simple fear of pain.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Apartment Corridor**

Rei dashed up and down the corridor, knocking on doors and collecting ice from those who'd answer, although she knew they were all in their homes at this time of the night, some of the neighbors refused to answer.

She hurried into the bathroom while a few people followed with more ice cube trays, shifting them around in their hands to avoid the cold.

**

* * *

**

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

The door slammed open once more and Rei rushed into the bathroom, expecting to find Shinji immersed into the saving cold of the tub.

But instead the former Third Child was sitting on the rim of the tub, the water only up his calves, shaking almost violently now.

"I…I can't…do it…"

Rei pressed her hand against Shinji, caressing his forehead.

"Shinji, you have to. You mustn't run away."

She unloaded two more trays into the water.

"No…no…I'm tired Rei…"

"Lie down Shinji."

Shinji's voice was pleading as he shook his head, although it could've just been the shivering fits.

"Please Rei…My feet are throbbing."

"I'm sorry Shinji, but I feel empathy for you, you know that, I cannot allow you to do this. Mekira, Kurosawa."

Two of their neighbors, young men named Mekira and Kurosawa, who seemed quite genial, unlike Shinji's other neighbors, rushed into the bathroom.

Shinji groaned.

"Wait, I'm naked!"

Mekira smiled, edging closer.

"Nothin' we ain't seen before."

And then it happened, in an instant, the two men leapt onto Shinji, smiling feral looks on their faces as they wrestled with Shinji's shivering body, the former Third Child squirming and kicking with all his might.

"No! Get the hell off me!"

"He feels like hot coal, Kurosawa."

"It's for your own good, Shinji."

"Let me go, goddamit!"

The two men wrestled with Shinji and finally brought him down, his arm hitting the ice cold water, causing Shinji to wince.

He could hear Asuka even now, through his shivering, berating him, if she had been there.

"_Wimp! You're still a coward after all these years, get in there, dammit!"_

Her voice seemed to join thousands of others in his current and past life, urging him in, just as Mekira and Kurosawa pushed his back into the ice cold abyss, making him lie back into it.

Shinji nearly flies straight out of the tub, but the two men hold him down as he screams in utter agony, his eyes bulging as he cries for help, telling the men to release him, but they refuse.

Rei looks down on him with an unreadable face, even for Shinji, although there seems to be concern written all over it.

"I'm freezing! Dammit! I'm freezing!"

Shinji groaned, the voices around him growing dimmer.

"Mekira, I can't hold onto him any longer, my hands are all red."

"Don't you let go!"

"Miss Ayanami, please get help, my hands are killing me!"

Shinji's voice interrupted, as if responding, laced with agony.

"Help me! Help me!"

"Here I'll do it."

"Take his legs"

"Run your hands under hot water."

Shinji groaned, his vision blurry, his body feeling like there were millions of needles stabbing into it, as the apartment door slammed and opened.

"I've got more ice!"

"Bring it in"

"Is he alright?"

"He doesn't like it."

"I don't blame him, what should I do with the ice?"

"Pour it in."

"On top of him?"

"He's melting it as fast as we're putting it in!"

"Okay, my husband's got two more bags, he's coming, they're heavy."

Shinji opened his eyes just in time to see hundreds of ice cubes, slamming into his burning, pained body like bullets, letting out one more ragged scream before he fell into darkness.

"You're killing me! For godsakes! You're killing me!"

* * *

Shinji tossed and turned in his bed, as though struggling to get out, suddenly awaking with a yawn.

He sat up quickly and looked over to the window, his eyes blinking rapidly.

The window was open and cold air was blowing in, causing Shinji to shiver.

"Damn you and your fresh air…"

He jumped over off the bed and rushed to the window, pushing at it. It closed with a loud bang, flying down and a woman in the bed sits up.

It is Asuka Langley Sohryu.

"What was that? Shinji?"

"It's freezing…"

"I'm not cold…"

"Of course not Asuka, you have all the blankets! It must be ten degrees in here, I'm telling you Asuka, if you want fresh air, go sleep in the fire escape, I can't take much more."

She raised an eyebrow, yawning.

"Idiot…it's not healthy with it closed."

"And getting pneumonia is healthy?"

He settled back into the bed, groaning, pulling the covers over to his side.

He lay there quietly for a moment, apparently deep in thought.

"What a dream I was having, I was living with another woman…you know who it was?"

Asuka peered up at him with a growl and Shinji instantly regretted the question.

"I don't want to know, pervert."

"Rei…I was living with her. God, it was a nightmare. There were all these demons and I was on fire. Only I was burning from ice…and…"

Asuka snuggled close to him, surprising him for a moment as she whispered.

"Guilty thoughts. See what happens to you when you cheat on me, even in your mind?"

"She was nice though…"

"Who, Wondergirl?"

Shinji sighed.

"Why do you still call her that, Asuka? After all these years?"

The former Second Child remained silent.

"You may think she's a doll…but in the dream, she was different, kind and loving."

"I thought you said this was a nightmare?"

Suddenly, out of nowhere there was an odd tinkling sound, of music, perhaps from a music box or toy of some sort.

A young boy enters the room, carrying a lunch box that seems to be playing the music in his arms. He wears a long t-shirt down to his ankles. It is Kaworu Ikari.

"Daddy, what was that noise?"

Shinji turned, oddly surprised to see him.

"Kaworu?"

He stared curiously at his son.

"What are you doing?"

"There was a bang…"

"It was the window…"

"It's cold."

Shinji smiled.

"Yeah, tell your mother."

"Mom, it's-"

Asuka smiled, her face actually softening as she stared at Kaworu with caring eyes.

"I heard you, go back to sleep."

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Oh..alright…"

Asuka began to rise but Shinji surprisingly got up instead, motioning for her to get some sleep and rising up, whisking Kaworu off his feet, carrying the giggling boy upside down into the hall.

"Daddy…Will you tell me the story about uncle Kaworu again? How I was an angel?"

"Kaworu…you've heard that story a dozen times."

Kaworu nodded, no longer upside down, and rested his head into his father's shoulders, snuggling in closer.

Shinji Ikari smiled, a true smile, a beaming gesture of happiness.

* * *

This fanfic is far from done. Sorry if this chapter was confusing or too short, but it was meant to be. Usually I use italics to separate dream from reality, but now no italics in this chapter. What is the dream and what is the reality? Asuka or Rei? Which is real? Does it even matter? What is happening to Shinji? 

All these and other questions, _probably_ answered next chapter….Ehhehe

Until then, later.


	10. Painful Reflections

Well, we've finally hit the double-digits, and it's been a fun ride…I've still got a good amount of chapters left, so bear with me…And for all those who think this is going slow…come on, what do you expect? Action? 

Just be patient.

And you know, this may be heresy, but I'm losing all faith in Asuka/Shinji and Rei/Shinji…I've just read so many of them, and people aren't coming up with any idea. I want a pairing that's fresh and nice with Shinji, and one that doesn't include evil pale Angels or non-canonical characters (Here's looking at you, Kaworu and Mana)…So…I've found myself…Enjoying Hikari/Shinji.

Is that so wrong? Dammit! It's nice! And great! Although sort of hard to find sometimes.

But anyway, this won't really affect my fanfic writing, Hikari's basically nonexistent in this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

Shinji Ikari smiled as he held the small wiggling boy in his arms, carrying him while tickling and kissing him playfully.

Kaworu laughed as Shinji dropped him into the bed, snuggling around in his thick blue blanket.

He stared at the boy, a look of incomprehensible love on his face, true warmth and happiness. It was sublimely meaningful for Shinji Ikari to raise his seed, Kaworu Ikari, in a place of such love and warmth, he was almost making up for his own horrible childhood and the parental neglect he had experienced. Almost making up for…

_Father…Where are you now? Is there a Hell? I hope…I hope you are with her._

Deep down Shinji Ikari realized the deep emotions and madness that had driven Gendo Ikari to the man he had been before his death, and he had sworn to forgive his father as best he could, while striving to never become a monster like the late Ikari.

He turned away; satisfied that Kaworu was properly tucked in and warm, and then began making his way out the child's room.

"Wait…daddy."

"Hmmm?"

"Don't go."

He turned around, smiling.

"Don't go? I'm right here Kaworu, I'll never leave you."

He looked at his son tenderly and gave him a warm hug.

"Now come on, get back to sleep, you can still get a couple more hours."

He walked to the door when he was interrupted suddenly by Kaworu's voice once more.

"…I love you."

There is actually deep emotion and a mature sincerity and seriousness in the child's voice and Shinji is struck deeply by them.

"_I feel a great empathy for you, Shinji Ikari."_

"_Empathy?"_

"_In other words, I love you."_

"…Don't shut the door, daddy."

Shinji nodded, still dazed, and left the door a bit ajar.

"Please, a tiny bit more…"

Shinji opened the door more until Kaworu smiled and nodded, and then finally made his way back down the hall towards a much a larger room, in the darkness.

Shinji sighed as he settled into his bed, as Asuka rolled around to get more comfortable, her legs brushing against his in the cold night.

He pulled the blanket up to his neck and suddenly felt an unexplainable, sore, and deep feeling of sadness and longing.

He stared at the red-haired girl, peering at her beautiful face as if it was the first time he had ever seen it, and murmured something in the dark night.

"I love you, Asuka."

She smiled warmly and turned to him, emitting a soft voice that seemed uncharacteristic and then horribly familiar. Inexplicably, from her mouth came the voice of Rei Ayanami.

"I love you too, Shinji Ikari."

And then Shinji screamed, a horrible, agonizing sound, as he felt his soul being wrenched out from his body, tears running down his face.

* * *

_Thousands of soldiers and tanks moved away from the base as the flash of light formed a great glowing crucifix in the air._

_They had failed their mission, failed to defend humanity, now the great purple monster would destroy the world. Or at least that is what they thought._

_Shinji Ikari sat in the darkness, feeling blinding pain in his stomach and chest again, his eyes dilating rapidly as he beheld the wasted landscape and the white creatures on the ground, their limbs and heads thrown around in every direction._

"_I…did…it…Asuka…I…"_

_Darkness began to pervade his vision, and then _watery, _womb-like sounds rise out of_ _nowhere, the rippling of water, a heart beating. Gradually voices can be heard mumbling; distant sounds, warm and familiar._

_

* * *

_

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari groaned and coughed, totally and utterly confused and disorientated as he felt the hand grasp strongly around his wrist and pull him out of the water.

He peered up at the doctor, and then Rei and a few of the remaining neighbors in confusion.

The doctor looked up and down his dripping body approvingly and then nodded.

"You're a lucky man, my friend, a lucky man. You made it; you must have friends in high places, that's all I can say."

He only groaned in response as Mekira and Kurosawa offered him their hands, grasping Shinji's nearly blue arms and pulling him out of the cold water.

He inexplicably smiled, looking around the room as he tried to pull himself to a standing position.

Shinji took one step onto the tile floor and collapsed onto his back, descending into darkness.

_Why do you always have to be like that, Asuka?_

_

* * *

_

Shinji Ikari groaned, rolling in the soft bed, the sunlight leaking in and blinding his groggy eyes.

He peered at Rei Ayanami, who seemed to be moving around inexplicably around the dining table. Finally she notices him looking and smiles, her sublime warm smile that fills Shinji with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

She strolls up to him slowly and places a warm, delicate pale hand on his forehead.

"Shinji…"

She warmly stroked her fingers through his hair as he stared dumbly at her.

"It's going to be alright Shinji; you're fine now, no more nightmares, and no more sickness. You were simply fatigued, that is all."

"Am I…home?"

"You're home Shinji. Welcome home. You've always been home. The doctor said you were lucky your brains didn't boil last night."

She smiled, an odd smile, different from her usual one, but still slight and hard to notice to the untrained eye nonetheless.

"What an odd night Shinji, it was crazy. You kept talking to yourself and shouting, "Asuka, close the window!". And even talking to your dead child. You know you melted two hundred pounds of ice in eight hours? The human body is simply amazing."

"Are we home? In Tokyo 3?"

"You're right here Shinji, just get some rest."

She puffed up his pillow, smiling.

"The doctor simply told me that you had some sort of virus, that's simply their excuse when they cannot identify the ailment I suppose. You can't do anything for a week, you have to recuperate. I guess you'll have to contact a substitute for your classes. "

She stroked his forehead and then rose back up.

"Just lie back Shinji, I have some soup cooking. I may not be too proficient in cooking, but you did at least teach me enough to be able to do that."

Rei left the room, making her way back towards the kitchen while Shinji watched, seeming lost and confused.

Shinji yawned, stretched out next to the kitchen table, rubbing his stubble. He wore a simple black shirt with blue jeans.

He sighed, leaning over towards the window and looking off in the direction of the bathroom window in the distance.

Once again there was someone just standing there, a silhouette of a man not moving, simply staring in his direction.

"_No…No…They just stand there for hours, you know? Absolutely dead still."_

_Touji giggled._

"_They're obviously playing with…with themselves, Shinji."_

"_Not at all…"_

_Kensuke chuckled, his bespectacled eyes twinkling, apparently in agreement with Shinji._

"_He just told you Touji, they stand dead still. Can you play with yourself without moving?"_

_Hikari scowled and Rei simply remained silent, although there was a look of concern in her crimson eyes as Shinji mumbled to himself._

"_I could've sworn…"_

Shinji shook his head, remembering Touji, and took out the binoculars he had found weeks ago in this very room, peering through their clean lenses towards the bathroom window.

He put the binoculars down and turned back to the table in front of him, peering about intensely.

Piles of books were strewn out in front of him, some reading "The History of the Crusades", another "Demonology", and yet even more with names like "A Handbook to Demon Mythology" and "Modern Myths".

He peers at them carefully, taking out a particularly dusting one and leafing through its pages.

Rei, meanwhile, is standing by the counter, making what looks to be like sandwiches, and peering at Shinji with almost a look of grave concern in her red eyes.

She moves closer to him, looking around, and finally speaks, her voice soft but firm.

"Shinji…It's been almost a week since your sickness. You need to get fresh air, you need to go outside, such conditions aren't healthy for your body."

Shinji remains silent, staring at a page in the book that depicts winged demons, real demons, with spindly horns and great long tails.

Rei sighed, too quiet to hear and placed a single, delicate pale hand on Shinji's cheek.

"Is there anybody in there, Shinji? Shinji?"

Rei pushed Shinji's face towards her, and they lock eyes.

Suddenly, they crimson eyes seem almost evil and cold, and Shinji can see something almost subtly disturbing about them.

She speaks again, and her voice is amplified a thousand times in Shinji's ears.

"IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE!"

Shinji screamed, flying backwards and kicking up his chair, landing on his back as Rei stumbled backwards.

And then suddenly, all is calm and quiet. Shinji groaned, a bloody scratch on his head from where he had fallen.

Suddenly a pale hand touches the scratch and he shivered, looking up to see Rei, her face calm and sad.

"Are you okay Shinji?"

Shinji moaned and wrapped Rei in a tight hug, surprising her by such a firm show of love.

Shinji Ikari needed something real to hold on to, no matter the conditions, at that moment he needed someone. And as always, Rei Ayanami was there.

Rei smiled, slightly, and rubbed Shinji's stubble.

"You…you should shave again. You are beginning to look too much like…like your father."

Shinji frowned, but then chuckled, trying to keep a semblance of the calm happiness together.

"I will Rei, I will…"

Rei smiled even deeper, shocking Shinji to his core as her smiles always did, and then planted a soft passing kiss on Shinji's cheek as they both stood up.

"I will see you later, Shinji…I am, as the Second Child would crudely say, horny."

Rei said this playfully, or as playfully as she could, enough not to make it sound awkward and then unexpectedly raised two fingers like horns over her head.

Shinji let out a stiff chuckle, nodding and smiling, Rei's hand gesture taking his full attention, his eyes straining and tired.

Rei nodded her farewell, making her way out the door and slamming it.

When she was gone, Shinji fell back onto a chair, sighing as he peered around.

His rest was quickly interrupted by the annoying ring of the phone, next to him.

Shinji picked it up, yawning before he answered.

"Yes, hello?"

"Shinji Ikari?"

"Speaking."

"It's Makoto…Makoto Hyuuga."

"…"

"You don't remember me, do you?"

"Hahah! No Makoto! Damn, I can't believe you're still around after all these years…No, of course I remember you."

"Yeah…it's been a long time."

"So, what's been going on with your life?"

"Not much."

"No? Me neither, at least not anymore…So tell me, what do I owe the honor of this phone call to? I mean, we never talked too much, although I remember…Misato talking about you…"

"Misato…"

"Yeah…"

Both their voices seemed grim and distant as they both remembered different versions and forms of the woman long dead known as Misato Katsuragi.

"I…need to see you Shinji."

"Well Makoto, I was sort of sick recently, and I'm a bit busy, but…"

Makoto's voice interrupted, and it seemed laden with fear and desperation.

"I _need_ to see you Shinji!"

And then the line went dead.

Shinji sighed, slowly putting down the receiver, utterly confused.

_I wonder what was up with Makoto? He was acting odd…but I guess everything seems odd lately._

He suddenly groaned, feeling the urge to go to the bathroom.

_Dammit, that's the only thing that's stupid with this building…I hate sharing a toilet…it's too far…_

He stumbled out the door, looking around the empty, dusty brown hall and making his way down it, stepping on each creaky floorboard.

Finally he made his way to the bathroom door, suddenly remembering that there had been someone standing there when he had checked in the morning. But apparently there was no one in there presently.

He reached out, slowly opening the bathroom door, feeling a tinge of apprehension and fear.

Suddenly a great odd sound as four or five crows swooped out from the bathroom, right over his head, sending him falling down on his butt, utterly startled as the birds flew down the hall and through an open window.

_What the hell was that!_

He slowly stood up and entered the bathroom, noticing the open window.

_Ah, I guess they came in through there for some reason._

He unzipped his pants, sighing as he stood at the urinal, peering about the walls of the bathroom as he stood.

All over the walls was graffiti and writing, some the typical "Call blank for a good night", others just obscenities or "Blank loves blank".

He cocked his head, peering at a something odd scrawled in one corner of the wall. It seemed like it was written by a child. "I mustn't run away."

Shinji peered at it, quite perturbed and then turned, giving a passing glance out the bathroom window.

_I wonder what you can see of my apartment from here…_

He stood closer and peered towards his apartment window, his eyes focusing on a young man with dark hair, prominent stubble, wearing a black shirt with blue jeans. The man was staring at him through a pair of binoculars.

And with that, Shinji Ikari descended into darkness.

* * *

Weird? Short? Overdue? Eh, whatever, I'm trudging on…See you next chapter…

Hope you're not _too_ confused.

Ehehehhe…


	11. Awkward Compassion

Well, we've hit Chapter Eleven, for those faithful readers who're still with me, thanks, hope you're enjoying the ride, there's still a good deal left, so, hope you enjoy it all…

Anyway, I've been writing a lot lately, but mainly in mass updates, since I now have Ikari the King, NGE: Madness, FoD and this fic as continuous fanfics, with the occasional songfic or one-shot (or three-shot in the case of The Mysterious Stranger).

And yeah, as for Hikari/Shinji, it's probably a phase, from over saturating myself with too many, often ridiculously horrible, Asuka/Shinji fanfics…But I'm still a big fan of Hikari/Shinji, nonetheless, and other weird, rare pairings…I want to make a Ritsuko/Gendo romance fic one day…You don't see many of those done at all, do ya? Eheheh..

Anyway, let's start the show…

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

Shinji Ikari sat in the passenger seat of the car, staring out the window of the car as the sunlight wafted in, dreamily burning against his face.

"So…Touji? Where's Makoto? Are you just driving me to his place? Because I-"

Touji peered at Shinji out of the corner of his eye with a queer expression as the car paused at a stop sign.

"Who the hell is Makoto?"

Shinji just sat there, silent, taking it all in stride, if it could really be called that, just numbly ignoring it to converse almost regularly with his friend.

"So…what's up with you, Shinji? Find a job?"

"Um…job? But I'm a teacher…"

"Well, I heard they got tired of your unexplained absences…you've been gone for a long time man…"

"Yeah…so, how about you?"

"Eh, I got a job as a security guard…"

Shinji nodded, a bit manic.

"You're lucky…How many veterans of the Angel Wars do you see employed these days?"

"Could count them on one hand…"

"It's almost like a conspiracy…huh?"

"No joke…Goddamn NERV, goddamn JSSDF…That damn war, it's like it's still going on, and I'm fighting it!"

"It's not worth it, Touji, calm down, you'll never win."

"You tellin' me? How many times can a man die, huh?"

Touji seemed to glance at his rear view mirror constantly, his head jerking from Shinji to the mirror, his face twisted into a frown.

"Um…Still married Shinji?"

Shinji stiffened, slightly confused.

"Yeah, you know we separated…You saw Rei yourself. "

"God…you and everybody else…Damn, I hate this area, makes me nervous."

"Um…what about Hikari? You two seem-"

It was Touji's turn to stiffen, the former Fourth Child eying Shinji determinedly.

"Don't talk about that whore in front of me."

"Ah?"

"Just promise me you won't…"

"Uh…alright…So, where exactly are we going?"

"I…just need to talk Shin-man, you know, like the good old days."

Shinji sighed.

_Those days were good?_

"We can't talk back at my house?"

Touji's eyes widened, and he chuckled, although it seemed rather artificial.

"I'm…not sure where I can talk anymore."

Shinji peered at Touji, slightly confused and concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Um…let's just get a couple drinks, alright?"

Touji peered once more at his rear view mirror, slowly licking his tongue around his dried lips.

"Hey, take a look behind us, Shinji. Do you think that car is following us?"

Shinji strained his neck around, peering back at what seemed to be a black car.

"That car?"

"Pull down the mirror on the sun visor."

Shinji nodded, pulling it down and peering closely through the mirror. He could see a vaguely familiar black sedan driving behind them.

"Just watch 'em…"

"What's going on, Touji?"

"I don't know…"

"You in trouble?"

"Yeah…"

Shinji peered at his friend, noticing in concern and awe that Touji's left arm was shaking rapidly. The black sedan sped by them, the windows tinted and too dark to see through, and they both peered at it, their eyes squinted in nervous and angry glares.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Ookami's Den**

The Ookami's Den was a rather seedy joint in Tokyo 3, although it was a good place to get a drink and talk, for those who didn't want to be bothered. It was full of scraggly, odd looking people, and the occasional biker.

Touji and Shinji sat in a corner booth, the bar is dark and nearly empty.

Touji peered at Shinji, leaning forward in an intimate manner.

"Something's…Something is wrong, Shinji…I don't know what it is…I don't know what it is but I can't talk to anybody about it. Not even Hikari…I figured I could with you. You always used to listen, you know?"

Shinji nodded, silent and confused while Touji leaned forward and took a sip from his drink, Shinji having ordered nothing. Touji glanced around and then looked deliberately into Shinji's eyes.

"I'm going to hell!"

Shinji almost fell out of the booth in surprise, but he managed to control himself, instead flinching and jerking his head away from his friend.

"That's as straight as I can put it, Shinji…And don't tell me that I'm crazy 'cause I know I'm not. I'm goin' to Hell. They're comin' after me…"

Shinji seemed utterly frightened, his head moving away, but trying to restrain himself. His face flashed with an odd feeling, and then returned to normal as he tried to keep his voice firm and normal.

"Who…is?"

"They've been followin' me. They're comin' outta the walls. I don't trust anyone, not even her...I'm not even sure I trust you. But I gotta talk to someone. I'm gonna fly outta my goddamn mind!"

Touji's face twisted into utter fear, his face emblazoned with horror, and then he sprang up, unable to contain in any longer, walking away from the booth.

Shinji remained silent and seated, following Touji with his eyes as the young man passed a familiar looking blonde and then a few other patrons and made his way to the window.

Finally Touji returned, after staring out the window of the bar for what seems like hours. His face seemed wet with sweat, but otherwise he seemed calmer.

"Sorry. Sometimes I think I'm just gonna jump outta my skin. They're just drivin' me wild."

"Who, Touji? What exactly-"

Touji's frantic voice interrupted him, the young man speaking quite quickly, although Shinji could understand if he concentrated.

"I don't know who they are, or what they are. But they're gonna get me and I'm scared, Shinji. I'm so scared I can't do anything. I can't go to my sister's place, I can't go to Hikari. I can't even go home!"

"W-Why not?"

"They're waiting for me everywhere, that's why!"

Touji's arm seemed to shake once more, like in the car, all of a sudden, first his arm seemed to shiver, then shake almost violently, then the tremor spread to his whole body, and soon the booth itself seemed to rattle quite loudly.

"I can't stop it. I try. Oh God! Help me Shinji!"

Shinji sighed, overcome, his mind drifting away.

_"Shinji! You've gotta help me man…I…I don't know…I don't know what I-"_

_Shinji stared down in shock as Touji crumpled down in front of him, sobbing, grabbing on his pant leg._

_"They…they want me to pilot...pilot…pilot the…Evangelion…they said they'd be able to upgrade my sister's hospital care…but…I don't know what to…Shinji, you've gotta tell me! Is it…is it so bad?"_

_Shinji stiffened, realizing he owed his friend reassurance, true or not._

_"No…it's not so bad at all."_

Shinji slid quickly out of the side of his booth and moved slowly towards Touji as the young man sniffled and shivered. He put his arms around him, holding him tightly, offering his friend the only comfort he could think of.

Touji looked up at Shinji from within the embrace, his teeth chattering, fear evident on his face, but at the same time, a sense of great comfort and gratitude.

A few people in the bar seem to peer at them, including the blonde woman, but they look away after a few seconds.

"It's…okay Touji…it's okay."

Touji crumpled in Shinji's arms, not thinking any longer about pride or appearances, sobbing and shaking.

"I…I don't know what to do!"

"Don't do anything, Touji…"

Touji seemed to suddenly relax a bit, the shaking slowing in frequency, and look up at Shinji as the young man spoke in a comforting whisper.

"Touji…I know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?"

"I've…I've seen them too…the demons!"

_Shinji's eyes widened as he stared at it. The silhouette of a man stood there, dead still, not moving, and Shinji was quite sure it was the same man he had viewed standing there doing nothing, hours ago._

_"What the hell?"_

Touji seemed to stare at Shinji with a child-like disbelief and curiosity.

"You've seen them?"

Shinji nodded firmly, despite the numbness in his body, his fists clenching and unclenching.

"I've seen them everywhere Touji, like a plague…"

_In the next room, past Rei, Shinji can see the vague silhouette of a man, a man whose head seems to be vibrating at such enormous speed that it has lost all definition._

_Something about the image compelled and frightened Shinji._

_Slowly he approached the man, his fists clenching and unclenching._

_As he draws nearer to it the tortured image lets out a scream of such pain and unearthly terror that Shinji stumbled backwards, distraught, surprised that no one had heard the noise over the music._

_Shinji leaned backwards against a wall, shaking his head and holding his forehead, which seemed oddly warm._

Touji's eyes seemed wild as he stared up at the bar ceiling.

"God almighty…I thought I was the only one."

"Me, too. I had no idea. It's like I was coming apart at the seams!"

Touji seemed to crumple into Shinji's arms and then slowly pull himself up, staring at Shinji with a determined, collected look, hinting at sublime gratefulness.

Shinji stared at him, and then took a seat back on his side of the booth.

"What is it, Touji? What's happening to me?"

Touji began making intense movements with his hand as he spoke, with quick whispers.

"They keep telling me I'm already dead, that they're gonna tear me apart, piece by piece, and throw me into the fire."

Touji paused and then began fishing around in his thick brown coat, until he finally pulled out a bible and a silver crucifix, staring at Shinji.

"I never knew you were a Christian, Touji!"

Touji shook his head, shaking.

"I carry these everywhere but they don't help. Nothing helps. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. My mother even filed a report with the JSSDF! She wanted to sue the former NERV members or something! Something about mistreatment or something…"

Shinji nodded with a shudder.

"The events of the decades have really destroyed a lot of souls…"

Touji seemed not to listen to him, continuing frantically, his voice growing in loudness and intensity.

She said I haven't been the same since then. Since that night. There's still this big hole in my brain. It's so dark in there, Shinji. And these creatures. It's like they're crawling out of my brain. What's happening? Why won't they tell us!"

Shinji shook his head, running his fingers through his dark shock of hair.

"I don't know Shinji, I don't know…"

Touji nodded, tapping his head thoughtfully, with a wild look on his face.

"They're monsters, Shinji. We're both seeing 'em. There's gotta be a connection. Something…something between us, or about us…"

Shinji leaned back against his seat, his mind burning, the world racing around him.

* * *

_Shinji groaned as he dodged another flying lance, staring wildly at the white monsters circling around him._

"_No…I know now! I won't let you win! I won't let you kill them! I'll protect them…Dammit…Misato!"_

_He let out a strangled roar, literally, as a great white hand wrapped around his great avatar's neck, making his eyes bulge and his skin scream._

_

* * *

_

Shinji Ikari stared at himself in the mirror, clenching and unclenching his fists, feeling a sudden loss, as if he had changed, as if he had crossed the line. He stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection, which seemed to be staring right back at him with that intimidating glare. His fists clenched and unclenched, and he smiled wildly, and then looked down, taking off his glasses and looking up with eyes splotched with red and manic mania.

He raised his hand to his face and laughed loudly in the bathroom, staring at it with a bemused look on his face.

"Who the hell am I?"

Suddenly, a voice.

"Huh, did you say something, Shinji?"

Shinji stiffened, turning to see Touji come out of the bathroom stall and move to the sink, turning on the faucet.

"Um…no…"

Touji nodded thoughtfully as he washed his hands, staring up at his reflection for a second and then letting his eyes flit away to Shinji Ikari. Suddenly it burst out of his mouth, the line broken, his eyes wild.

"I'm afraid to go by myself anymore. I keep thinking' one of 'em's gonna come up behind me. Something's wrong when a guy can't even take a leak by himself. I've seen them take people right off the street. I used to go home a different way every night. Now I can't even go home!"

Shinji peered at him, nodding to himself, trying not to look in the mirror's direction.

His reflection smiled mischievously.

"You come home with me, Touji."

Touji frowned, his reflection seeming to relax.

"What about Rei? Will she mind?"

"Nah, Rei isn't like that…she'll understand, she's a kind...she's-"

Touji nodded, smiling and interrupting the former Third Child as he struggled for words to complete his description.

"I understand Shinji, I understand."

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Outside Ookami's Den**

Shinji Ikari and Touji Suzuhara left the bar, walking side by side, their faces shadows of what they had been when they had entered the establishment, sweat still flowing, but more calm and collected, almost…determined.

It's cold outside and the frosty fog seems to sift through the streets, searching for the weak and unprotected.

Touji smiled as he stopped by his car, staring at a little child playing in a sandbox in the distance, along with two other little girls.

"So that's…"

He walked to the driver side of his car and pulled out his keys, chuckling to himself as he fumbled with it and opened the door, peering at Shinji.

Shinji stopped, noticing a shiny coin on the sidewalk, glinting the light into his eyes.

"Heh, guess this is my lucky day."

Shinji bent over to pick it up while Touji sat down in his car, sticking the key into the ignition and turning it, stepping on the gas.

Shinji gasped in surprise as the coin slid across the ground, sliding as if guided by some unforeseen force towards Touji's car.

And then there was only fire, and screaming, flesh and metal, and glass.

* * *

_Shinji screamed in agony as the pain seared through his body, numbing him with its intensity, and then he strained against his unnatural urge to die, struggling with his new instincts, those to protect the people around him at all costs._

_Spinning around, he tossed the white giant from atop him, standing with a heart wrenching roar, staring at the monstrosities around him as a long piece of silver metal flowed almost like water through the cool air, towards him._

_All was fire, and pain, coursing through his body._

_And then, darkness enveloped him._

_

* * *

_

Well, hope you liked this chapter, might've been a little overdue…

I really can't apologize to the people who are lost in this, but actually watched Evangelion. Did you watch End of Evangelion? Or did you just breeze through all the awkward weirdness and meaningless symbolism of the entire series? Ehehehhe….

Well, see you next chapter.


	12. A Sense of Loss

Well, hope you've been enjoying this fic…I've been having fun writing up stuff for it, although I simultaneously have to write up ideas for new fanfics and current ones. I should really stop creating fanfics, write:D 

But I just can't stop...

Well, anyway, let's start the show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

_Shinji Ikari writhed in the darkness, fighting the horrible burning feeling ripping through his body._

_His eyes twitched and his body shook violently as he fought the darkness, fighting for his life, fighting to not succumb. _

_He struggled with the pain in his chest, his Evangelion stumbling about oddly, almost drunkenly as the white monstrosities began their solemn advance._

_

* * *

_

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

"Are you okay?"

Shinji instinctively replied in the darkness, his voice hoarse as his eyes painfully opened.

"I'm…fine…"

The light burned into his eyes, and he could remember nothing. He felt hot and dirty, and there was some deep pain all over his body, or maybe not at all, he couldn't really tell. All he was sure of was that he was lying down on his back on some hard surface.

He coughed, slowly, almost dreamily looking up at the woman staring down at him. She was a middle-aged woman, vaguely attractive, with blonde hair, who looked rather familiar, although Shinji's mind was too rattled to make the simple connection.

"Hold on, dammit!"

He could feel her hands wrap around his arm and slowly drag his limp body across the street, just as another explosion seemed to shake the ground. It was then that he noticed the flames in the air, flying up and dancing as they consumed the car. It was then he remembered.

_Touji smiled as he stopped by his car, staring at a little child playing in a sandbox in the distance, along with two other little girls._

"_So that's…"_

_He walked to the driver side of his car and pulled out his keys, chuckling to himself as he fumbled with it and opened the door, peering at Shinji._

_Shinji stopped, noticing a shiny coin on the sidewalk, glinting the light into his eyes._

"_Heh, guess this is my lucky day."_

_Shinji bent over to pick it up while Touji sat down in his car, sticking the key into the ignition and turning it, stepping on the gas._

_Shinji gasped in surprise as the coin slid across the ground, sliding as if guided by some unforeseen force towards Touji's car._

_And then there was only fire, and screaming, flesh and metal, and glass._

"Touj-"

The woman interrupted him, shaking her head.

"Just lie still; you're alright, no major injuries."

Shinji groaned as he brought his body to a heaping, kneeling position, looking about the dusty street.

People scrambled around in total bedlam, running from the flaming car. Part of a wall is strewn all across the street, along with bricks and glass everywhere. In the distance, a black sedan sped off, leaving a trail of dust.

Shinji groaned in pain and confusion as he noticed a cross hanging on a necklace, sticking out of the dirt. He picked it up and pocketed it, standing up slowly and then finally remembering something odd.

"Ritsuko!"

He peered around for the woman that had helped him, but she was nowhere to be found.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**The Next Day**

Shinji stared solemnly out the car window, as a pale woman with soft red eyes drove the small black sedan, behind a hearse and a group of many other cars full of people dressed in black.

Shinji's face is bruised and he has a gauze pad over his right ear. He stared up at the car roof as they dried in silence, sighing.

Slowly his left hand reaches over on top of the seats, reaching for Rei. Her soft pale hand meets his, and their fingers embrace.

He shivered but then steadied his body, memories of Touji passing through his slender frame as if he were Touji dying and reliving his life.

"_Sorry, transferee, but I had to hit you. I wouldn't have been satisfied 'til I hit you."_

Touji had been the only one that had truly understood him, other than Rei and Kaworu.

"_If you go away from here, we'll also have to leave this city some day. But we can't say anything to blame you; we saw you suffering in the Eva. If I find anyone who blames you, I'll give them a good crack to the head! So c'mon, don't look so gloomy..."_

Asuka…had never truly tried…

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Tokyo 3 Memorial Cemetery**

The somber funeral procession made its way down across the trimmed grass, the casket and pallbearers behind them. Kensuke and Shinji carried the head of the casket, both looking grimly and silently at points in the ground.

Dozens of cars are parked along the length of the narrow road, and multiple men in dark suits coming out of similarly dark sedans emerge with their wives, girlfriends, and children.

Hikari is there, tears streaming down her face. Maya was there as well, along with Aoba, who was trying to console the former technician, who was crying quite heartily for someone who hadn't known Touji that well. Also, there were the other various people who had been with Touji through high school and college.

People still arrived to the cemetery behind the procession, however, people with sad eyes, people with pale skin, and people with blazing crimson hair.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Hikari's Apartment**

They sat there in the living room, silent, somber, Shinji seeming the most grim of all.

Hikari peered at him and sighed, trying to start up at least a nice conversation.

"I just remember him as always being kind and strong…Don't you agree, Shinji?"

Kensuke interrupted before Shinji could respond, sensing that the former Third Child was hardly in the mood to speak.

"Did anyone see the police report? It sounds like it could've been a detonation job, to me at least."

Hikari grumbled, irritated with Kensuke. Now was not the time to dwell on Touji's death and its circumstances, instead it was time to speak of the memories they had shared.

"The paper said it was electrical Kensuke; a freak accident."

"Bullshit, somebody's covering up something"

The entire room stiffened at the latest voice, the source of it strolling through the room, a young, ravishingly beautiful woman with long reddish hair, dressed in an attractive black dress.

Shinji Ikari stiffened as he noticed Asuka Langley Sohryu was now within five feet of him.

"_Asuka! No! Please…I need you! I love you!"_

_Asuka Langley Sohryu shook her head spitefully, grimacing._

"_No…no…you killed him…you…you killed him you bastard…"_

The former Third Child simply turned away from Asuka as the young woman sat down, not wishing to show his spiteful face to her, simply deciding instead to remain silent and oblivious.

_Why…would she come anyway? They weren't friends at all…they hated each other._

_If only Rei hadn't left…if she'd been here right now, I could've faced her…with her by my side…I…hmm_

Hikari smiled despite the occasion, glad her good friend had come, not noticing or thinking about Shinji, and gave the German a good hug, then taking a seat and responding to Asuka's words.

"Why do you think that?"

Asuka sighed, frowning.

"Cars don't explode that way. Any simpleton knows that."

"But the paper…"

Kensuke shook his head, joining in once more.

"That was set, I'm telling you!"

"By who? But why? Touji didn't have a single enemy in the world…"

"How can you really be sure?"

"You're talking about Touji here…Who'd want to hurt him?"

Kensuke sighed, turning to Shinji.

"Hey Shinji, did he talk about anything when you guys went out? Anything important or weird or something?"

It was then Asuka realized Shinji was in the room, the vaguely handsome young man dressed in a dark suit.

They locked eyes for a few moments, Asuka's a face of confusion, and Shinji Ikari's a cold glare, the face of his father.

_I don't want to share it with them…they don't deserve to know…they did nothing for him! He came to me, dammit!_

Finally Shinji relented, peering only at Hikari and then Kensuke, his voice almost a whisper.

"He was upset. He thought people were…following him."

Kensuke raised an eyebrow.

"You're kidding. Who?"

Shinji averted his gaze from his three former classmates, speaking hesitantly.

"He didn't know…Demons…"

Asuka seemed to twitch, struck by the word, and then shake her head.

"What do you mean, demons?"

Shinji stared her straight in the eyes, his eyes cold and emotionless, and spoke.

"He told me he was going to Hell."

The statement seems to have an obvious impact on the group, Shinji most of all. There is an immediate silence, all eyes averted from any other human being in the room

Kensuke scratched the back of his head.

What'd he say that for? What made him say that? Strange, huh? Strange."

Asuka interrupted him, sighing as she addressed Shinji, trying to overlook the obvious current of pain between them.

"What else did he say, Shinji?"

Shinji sighed, responding to Asuka's question but addressing it to Kensuke.

He was scared. He saw these creatures coming out of the woodwork. They were tryin' to get him, he said.

Asuka's arm seemed to twitch and shake, if only for a second or two.

"Huh…Weird. How long had that been going on? Probably schizophrenia…"

Hikari frowned at the redhead's bluntness, and then sighed.

"A couple weeks, I guess…That's what he told me."

"Did…he say what they looked like?"

"Uh…no, not really."

"Excuse me a minute…I'll be right back."

Kensuke smirked.

"In one end and out the other, huh Asuka?"

Asuka flashed a wavering attempt at a smile and then hurried to the bathroom, the cup of water in her left hand shaking violently, spilling on the carpet as she walks.

Kensuke chuckled.

"Still a crazy spastic huh? That redheaded demon of ours."

No one laughs. There is an uncomfortable silence.

* * *

Eh, short chapter? For story purposes, I insist…The next chapter'll be longer…Hope you're enjoying the weirdness so far, while things begin to shape up and slowly become semisolid in the shadows.

Well, anyway, see you next chapter.


	13. Rebirth and Collapse

Well, here's the next chapter of Shinji's Stronghold, finally…

I hope you guys are still enjoying this fanfic, it seems that as all my fanfics progress farther and farther, less people read them…ehhehee…

Well, anyway, the end of Shinji's Stronghold is sort of in sight…I estimate thirty chapters…ahahaha…or maybe more, but I wouldn't be surprised, my other big fanfic, Neon Genesis Evangelion: Madness is twenty eight chapters and planned out to be fifty chapters long.

Anyway, you may also have noticed that I cut off my gigantic mass update thing where I update all my fanfics at once, flooding with my name…eheh.

Well I've stopped doing that, since I get less views when I'm aggressive like that, and plus, it's liberated me, writing-wise, I actually update faster now, since I'm free to do whatever I want.

I just go, "Hmm, I think I'll update Shinji's Stronghold today…" It doesn't depend on my other fanfics being updated.

And here we go then, lets start the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL! I also don't own anything that happens to be referenced in this story.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari groaned as their bodies moved together, her legs and arms wrapped around him, passionate kisses sending his mind aflame and dulling it with pleasure.

He'd literally fallen straight into Rei's arms, and the pale girl had been loyally waiting for him.

She'd certainly changed a great deal. Although she was still sometimes quiet and awkward in most large social situations, or around complete strangers, she was almost no worse than him now, and when it came to their relationship, it was sublimely meaningful.

He'd felt horrendously hollow and lifeless after Touji's death. In truth he blamed himself for even talking to Touji and giving him hope, just to drag him out to his death. He felt guilty. He felt bad. It should've been him.

But at the moment, these thoughts were ancient memories as he and Rei Ayanami made wild, unadulterated love on the kitchen floor.

A wastebasket flipped over.

Shinji's hand splashed into a dog bowl full of murky water.

Nothing impeded their passion, it was ferocious; not exactly something he'd ever expected Rei to be like, maybe Asuka or an extremely lecherous Misato.

But Rei was full of an unbelievable hidden devotion and passion to the few people in the world she was connected to, and when it surfaced, it could be sublimely beautiful.

Shinji laughs, hollers, and swoons. Hands grab hold of table legs. Chairs topple. Feet bang wildly against the stove. It is all mayhem and ecstasy. And then it ends.

Shinji's face is ecstatic. He can barely talk and simply basks in Rei's glow. She looks especially lovely and beautiful, an odd glow to her pale skin making it look even softer and nicer, if that were possible. They lie exhausted and exhilarated on the linoleum floor.

Rei stared at him, lying down alongside him and smiling.

"Tell me, am I still an angel, Shinji?"

Shinji stared at her curiously, almost taken aback from his passion by the answer.

He wasn't sure exactly what to say. It was ironic.

She was an angel in the traditional sense of the word when used as an adjective; that was for sure, she was devoted, kind and beautiful.

But she was also literally, as he had realized years ago, of the kind of creature, or at least partly of the kind of creature known as the Angels, the enemies of humanity.

That made no difference to him, but he wondered for a second if she wanted to hear a negative to her answer. Was she asking if she was more human now? Did she want to hear she was an angel or not?

Shinji sighed as all this rushed through his tired skull and then smiled, reaching out and caressing Rei's fair ivory cheek.

"You're like an angel Rei, like an angel…"

She seemed satisfied and he smiled broadly, continuing with something he'd have been nervous to even think of decades ago.

"You're an angel Rei, with wings. You transport me, you know that? You carry me away."

Rei kissed him softly on the lips and then smiled in that slight way of hers, gently touching Shinji's cheek, simply cupping it ever so gently.

"We're all angels, you know..."

She leaned in, biting Shinji's earlobe mischievously, making him wince in surprise and then laugh at the uncharacteristic move as she continued softly.

"...and devils. It's just what you choose to see."

"I…I love you…Rei."

He'd spoken words of empathy before countless times, and had them spoken to him as well.

* * *

"_Ah Shinji…I am glad you were the one. Thank you Shinji Ikari, I feel great empathy for you."_

_"Empathy?"_

_"In other words, I love you."_

_

* * *

_

_Shinji Ikari stalked towards the young girl, although his position was far from predatory, in fact it was as close to begging as he could standing._

_He moved closer to her turned back and then finally spoke, his voice a desperate but collected whisper._

"_Asuka…I want to help you, and I want to be with you forever. "_

_Asuka turned, staring at him with a grimace and then a growl, shaking her head slowly._

"_You want to help me? Then don't do anything. Don't come to my side anymore. You will only hurt me!"_

_Shinji's body shook, but he continued to stride forward, determined._

"_Asuka, help me! Only you can do it!" _

"_That's a lie. For you, anybody will do. You are afraid of Misato and Rei, too. You are afraid of your father and mother, too. You are only escaping from me. You can't feel this as being truly happy!"_

_Shinji could not stop, simply striding even closer, reaching his hand out abstractly for her in a gesture of hope and desperation._

"_Please help me! I love you Asuka!" _

_She scoffed, her face twisted in rage and denial._

"_You love me! You never think about anyone other than yourself! Get away from me, I hate you!"_

_He struggled with words, tears running down his face, but she interrupted any rebuttal with venom words._

"_You only think of your own existence! You only think of yourself! You're really completely pathetic!"_

_

* * *

_

_Shinji doesn't answer, turning over onto his stomach and staring into his pillow, his body shivering with what could be sobs, although the shivering is only slight and tears do not run from his eyes._

"_Do you still love me, Shinji? I still feel empathy for you…"_

_Shinji Ikari does not respond, shutting his eyes tight at the darkness of the pillow_

_

* * *

_

He sighed as she nodded, smiling slightly, as the memories of love lost and agony flooded into his mind, the trinity.

"_You are worthy of my empathy…in other words, I love you, Shinji."_

"_So you think you love me, you idiot! Well…I…I…"_

"_I feel a warmness when I'm around you, Ikari, although I cannot understand why."_

He nodded.

"Underneath everything, just love…"

"Remember that…"

Shinji smiled, staring at her adoringly.

"You know Rei, I feel almost exorcized now, because of you, like the demons are almost gone."

"Is that correct? The army of demons?"

Rei smiled.

Shinji's face seemed oddly focused and serious.

"In a way. At least now I have some idea of what was happening. If we can only get them to admit ... to explain what they did ... I don't know. Maybe it'd clear things up in my head. I'll tell you something, Rei, honestly... I thought they were real."

Suddenly Rei's face twisted in a sneer and she let out a snarl and then an almost demonic roar, causing Shinji to yelp in utter fear and misery, almost screaming.

Then she smiled, laughing in that beautiful monotone way she still laughed after all these years and he sighed, smiling slightly at the fact that she'd played a trick on him.

"Heh…Rei…you scared me half to death."

He crept forward towards her and they embraced again as darkness descended onto the city.

* * *

**Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Shinji's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari sighed, lying in the peaceful apartment alone, Rei at work.

He was still on leave from his teaching position, and it was awkward. He felt fresh, and he swore to go back to school and return to his work as quickly as possible, since staying in the musty apartment alone for long periods of time couldn't be good.

He sat there, bored, not really doing much but staring up at the ceiling, when he remembered something.

He quickly stood and strolled towards the bed, crouching down and fishing his hand about blindly underneath it until he suddenly stiffened and nodded to himself, pulling out an old shoebox.

He sighed, slowly becoming overwhelmed with nostalgia as he opened it.

Inside where old pictures and papers, old high school grades, his diploma, an old photograph of him and Asuka standing together in front of their school and smiling proudly.

All the pictures he had seen around a few weeks ago had gone missing, and he figured Rei had hidden them, thinking that nostalgia was bad for his stability. And indeed it was, but the pain of the past was also a sort of opiate, he didn't have to think when he remembered the past, and he didn't think she knew about the shoebox.

Then he noticed something else in the box, his eyes resting upon it and then widening perceptively.

It is an old frayed piece of paper and Shinji slowly picks it up, staring at it as if it were some monstrous demon, and then unfolding it with great care, gently staring at it.

It read, in crude, obviously child's handwriting:

"DEAR DADDY, I LOVE YOU. PLEASE COME HOME. WE MISS YOU, ALTHOUGH MOMMY IS PRETENDING TO BE REALLY ANGRY. SHE'S SORYY FOR WHAT HAPPENED. PLEASE COME HOME."

* * *

_Kaworu rushed down the sidewalk, the small black bicyicle bearing him swiftly down the street while Shinji is running alongside him steadying the bike by gripping onto the seat next to Kaworu's bottom, smiling as he breathes quickly from the exertion. _

_Shiny plastic streamers hang from the handlebars, shimmering and flipping about in the breezy, sun glare sky._

_After a couple of false starts and wobbly runs, Kaworu looks determined and ready, his child-like face looking cute from the uncharacteristic seriousness splayed across it._

_For an instant, Kaworu looked back at his father as he began to peddle awkwardly but successfully, his father returning the broad loving grin spread across the boy's face._

_The booming snarl of a gunshot, echoing in the once peaceful silence…_

_Then only darkness._

_

* * *

_

Shinji sprang up with a heart wrenching scream, ripped from the pages of his memories abruptly and painfully.

He swallowed hard, as he stood there, holding the letter.

Suddenly his eyes drifted away from the treacherously painful page of writing to glance at the full-length mirror mounted on the bedroom door a few feet away from him, and to his shock, he sees something in the mirror.

It's a blur, vague and odd, like the image of a small child moving.

His eyes darted over at it in a curiously numb shock, but there is nothing in the mirror.

Curiousity overwhelming his apprehension, Shinji slowly stalked forward, absentmindedly dropping the letter on a small brown table and strolling forward until he was directly in front of the full-length mirror, staring into it.

As his image appeared in the mirror, he stopped, his eyes widening, gasping in confusion, his heart skipping a beat, not figuratively, literally from the shock.

In the mirror is not the image of himself, but his own back, reflected in the mirror although he's facing it.

The impossibility of the moment scares him to the core, and he stares at the surreal image, slowly lifting his hand, the mirror image of his back reflecting it, only in the mirror it was seemed horrendously odd from that angle.

Frightened but oddly feeling a cool sense of defiance against something he knew he had to be hallucinating, Shinji moved forward, reaching a shaky arm towards the odd mirror.

The reflection in the mirror spun around, facing Shinji, making him stumble backwards with a yelp at the unholy madness.

It is what his reflection would normally have looked like, but for some reason, there was another head sprouting out of Shinji's shoulders where his own head should've been.

A man whose head seems to be vibrating at such enormous speed that it has lost all definition.

Shinji recognized it as the same face he'd seen at the party and his eyes widen in utter agony at the reprisal of his horrors interrupting a time of fresh piece.

An unearthly scream comes from both their mouths.

"NO!"

He swung his fist against the mirror, continuing the scream until he felt the glasses slice into his knuckled, and fell down onto his bottom, the glass shattering around him as he fell into a heap as if struck back by the man in the mirror, his hand bleeding from the glass as he shivered and shook, sobbing and writhing silently on the floor.

* * *

Cool? Short? A bit lame?

Well, I enjoyed writing it, nice, painless and fun to write, and besides, at least it's most definitely longer than the last chapter…

The next few chapters should be significantly longer though…

Well, hope you enjoyed it too then…

See you next chapter.


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